Several online dating tips for over 50s

No need for a newsflash here: we are living in a time when the dating landscape is going through a dramatic shift, with childhood, university and workplace romances in sharp decline. Meeting online is quickly becoming the norm for all age groups, and over 50s dating is no exception.

We know starting out can all be a bit overwhelming; it’s tough to know where to begin and what the ‘rules’ are if you’re new to the online dating scene, so we’ve put together some tips to help you get on your way.
Think about what you’re looking for
There may well be differences between what you were looking for some time ago and now that you’re dating in your 50s. Before signing up, have a little think about what you’re looking for – a companion, a low-key relationship, marriage or just enjoying dates with new people? Everything is possible, but knowing your ideal outcome will help you when creating your profile and speaking to new people.
Your dating profile
We don’t need to be the ones to tell you that photos are important when it comes to online dating. Yes, it’s easy to dismiss this fact as something ‘shallow’ but consider if you would strike up a conversation with somebody if you had no idea what they looked like. Probably not, right? Photos help us get a better picture (pun intended) of someone’s personality, hobbies and demeanour. As a handy reference guide, dating photography expert Saskia Nelson has rounded up the three photos everyone should have on their profile.
Beyond the photos, the more information you give about yourself on your profile, the more you’ll have to speak about with others, and the higher the likelihood of a better match with someone who has a good sense of your personality. Keep it positive and inject some humour if it feels natural – if you have to write “lol” or “haha” afterwards, it’s probably a joke best left out…
Sending the first message
So someone’s caught your eye and you’re wondering what to say in the first message. It’s as easy as a two-part formula, according to this digital etiquette guide: first, a positive comment about something on their profile, followed up by a question.
Try to steer clear of references to looks or physical features, as it’s sensitive territory; instead focus on something else in their bio, like a film or hobby. Seasoned online daters will tell you that those simple ‘hi’ messages are far too common, and often go unresponded to. Everyone likes a little effort.
Take your time
You’ve started speaking with a match and it’s going well – excellent news. Chances are, it’s only a matter of time before the subject of meeting in real life arises. There is no set guideline for how long you should wait before meeting someone in person. The joy of dating in your 50s is knowing exactly what you do and don’t want, so go with your gut. If you’re not sure if you’d like to meet up, you could suggest a phone call beforehand to see how the conversation flows and if you get a good feeling about them.
Set the date
Deciding on what to do for the first date depends very much on you and your match, and the type of people you are. Wander a weekend market, giving you plenty to talk about as you go; visit a museum or tourist attraction you’ve never been to before or go with the classic option of coffee or a drink. If you’re short on ideas (we’ve all been there), we’ve rounded up some of our favourite dates around the U.K.
Dress the part
The conundrum of what to wear on a date affects all ages, not just those over 50. There is a lot to think about – what you feel comfortable in, what you’ll be doing during the date itself and what makes you feel good. Luckily, we’ve put together a dos and don’ts guide to help you make the right wardrobe choices for your date, and the Guardian’s all ages fashion guides are a useful reference point if you want to stay on trend.
Have fun
We’re firm believers that the act of dating is something to be enjoyed. If, mentally, you can remove any pressure or major expectation before meeting someone, you can focus on making the most of an opportunity to gain a new friend or learn something you didn’t know – or at the very least, a little bit of news for the next time you see friends.
After the first date
Dating over 50 hopefully means an end to the game-playing of younger generations. If your date went well and you’d like to see them again, there’s nothing wrong with letting them know. A follow-up message the day after to say you had a good time opens up the conversation for planning another date. And if it didn’t go so well…
If things don’t work out
Need to let someone down gently after a date? Ghosting – ignoring somebody’s attempts at contact – may be rife in the world of online dating but we say there’s nothing wrong with good manners: send your match one last polite message to let them know it’s not working for you and you’d like to leave it there.

Be patient
Anyone who has been online dating for a while will likely tell you that it can take some time before you come across someone you’d like to meet in real life; or indeed can take meeting a few people before you find a person you want to see again. Try not to become disheartened and focus on the positives of getting out of your comfort zone and meeting new people. And if it begins to get to you, take a break and come back with renewed energy and plenty of optimism.

Movies That Help When You’re Depressed

When you're battling the blues, becoming engrossed in a good movie can sometimes provide a therapeutic distraction. Here's our list of what to watch

What Movies Can Do for Your Mental Health
Anyone who has ever experienced a change of heart or perspective after watching a movie can attest to film’s ability to influence the way we think about life’s dilemmas.  Some therapists even use “cinema therapy” to help their patients explore their own psyches and as a catalyst for the therapeutic process.
Birgit Wolz, PhD, MFT, a mostly-retired therapist in California used ‘cinema therapy’ (CT) with some of her clients. She developed a  CT course for therapists and wrote reviews of some movies used for this purpose. In one review about the movie Lars and the Real Girl (2007) she wrote that “…emotional responses to movie scenes or characters can help clients to understand themselves better. When certain movies resonate with clients, they touch into an preconscious or unconscious part of their psyche. A film may move them deeply. A character or a scene might also upset them intensely. Understanding their emotional responses to movies…can serve as a window to their unconscious.”
Laura Fonseca, MSW, LCSW, a child and adolescent therapist in St. Louis, Missouri says that movies from one’s childhood can be quite soothing for some teenagers. ”When experiencing triggers that cause feelings of anxiety or depression, I encourage teens to watch favorite movies from childhood as a way to calm down, relax, and ground themselves. This helps teenagers to move out of their lower brain to their higher brain and process their triggers in a calmer state.”
For some people horror films can be oddly comforting, according to New York-based psychoanalyst Claudia Luiz, CertPsy, MEd, PsyaD. “Horror movies can provide relief to the viewer,” Luiz says explaining that the reaction to horror films is quite similar to the solace many people find in tearjerkers. “The fight-or-flight they experience every day is given perspective. The extreme terror makes our real fears less hard to bear.”
Tamekis Williams, a licensed clinical social worker/therapist and owner of Real Life Solutions GA Therapeutic and Coaching Services in Atlanta uses movies to help clients reconnect with their authentic self and remove barriers like depression and anxiety that stop them from living a conscious, healthy and happier life. Black Panther has inspired many African American youth and adults. “Seeing the positive representation of their culture and heritage makes them feel proud and gives them a sense of confidence and self-esteem,” Williams explains. “Many are able to identify with the underlying meaning of the storyline and characters in the film. Also, entire families are going to the movies together, wearing movie-themed apparel, creating memories and enjoying the camaraderie of the experience. All of this richness enhances overall wellbeing and is just a lot of fun.”
William sometimes recommends sitcoms and standup comedy shows. “Laughter releases endorphins so programming that makes you laugh can be excellent for reducing stress and depressive mood symptoms. Watching comedy can reduce negative thinking, lessen feelings of isolation and help provide a sense of normalcy, too.”
Finally, Williams says that movies based on a particular mental health disorder can be beneficial if they present an accurate depiction of what it’s like to actually live with the disorder or live with a family member who has it. “Viewers often gain a more positive outlook on how to care for a loved one or change their perspective about people who live with the disorder,” she says. Unfortunately, several disorders are portrayed negatively in films. “The term ‘bipolar’ for example has been used casually in today’s terminology. For those who live with bipolar on a daily basis this may result in them not be taken seriously and as a result, not receiving the help they need.”
Recommendations from Our Own Mental Health Community
Psycom managing editor Ann Gault loves Lars and the Real Girl staring Ryan Gosling when he was still relatively unknown. Lars is a likable introvert who has experienced real trauma in his life. His relationship with a life-size vinyl “love” doll named Bianca gives the residents in his small Wisconsin town something to gossip about. “I love this sweet but slightly-odd film for so many reasons. It provides insight into the connection between emotional challenges in adulthood triggered by childhood trauma. Parts of it are heartbreaking but in the end the movie has an uplifting message about the transformative power of compassionate people and the healing that’s possible with the help of a good psychotherapist!” Ann says.
Writer Susan McQuillan, MS, RD, CDN watches Love, Actually (2003) whenever she needs a lift. “I don’t know anyone who feels neutral about this movie—you either love it or hate it, and that can go either way depending on your frame of mind when you see it. Love, Actually is about relationships, love and loss but, to me, it’s mostly about hope and being true to yourself. It’s sweet and funny. When my daughter was growing up we would watch it together at least once a year and still do occasionally so for us, it’s also become a tradition and a happy memory.”
Twenty-something Megan Whalen described what it’s like to live with chronic worry and anxiety in her blog, Lies My Anxiety Tells Me. When she’s feeling blue, she likes to curl up on the couch and watch a classic, light-hearted musical—My Fair Lady; Singin’ In the Rain; The Sound of Music and Guys and Dolls—are some of her favorites. “There is something about a movie filled with music and dancing that inevitably cheers me up and gets me in a much better mood,” says Megan. “It’s hard to be anxious or sad when Gene Kelly or Julie Andrews are singing on screen. Added bonus: singing and dancing are mood boosters so I tend to get up from my couch and pretend I’m in the movie too!” 
Sherry’s 6 Feel-Good Movies When You Feel Sad
New York City therapist, author and relationship expert Sherry Amatenstein, LCSW is also a fan of  ‘cinema therapy’. “Studies have shown that in a group setting at least ‘ cinema therapy’ can be effective in boosting mental wellness,” Sherry explains adding that even more than comfort food—pop tarts and mayonnaise-slathered chicken salad for her!—escaping into a beloved movie is the perfect mood-re-setter when you feel sad.
“For some people, watching larger than life (literally, when viewed on the big screen) fellow sufferers offers reassurance that you are not alone; invite someone in your life to watch with you so he or she can understand how you feel. Others find viewing a movie that personifies silliness or tells a gripping, seat of your pants yarn to be perfect medicine,” she says.
Sherry recently conducted an informal poll of her patients for their film recommendations. Here, some flicks to help you recapture hope, or at the least, glimpse a possibility of a different perspective on your troubles. (Note: The following reviews were written by Sherry and are in her voice.)

#1. SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK
My initial introduction to this movie was from a patient who wanted me to understand the ‘scariness’ of what went on in his mind. This emotionally resonant 2012 film starring Bradley Cooper as Pat, a man whose previously untreated bipolar disorder cost him both his marriage and job, appeared on many people’s lists. The movie begins as Pat, newly released from a mental hospital (he was committed after beating up his wife’s lover), moves back in with his parents and meets recently widowed Tiffany, played by Jennifer Lawrence, who suffers from her own mental instability. Watching Silver Linings Playbook when you’re in a bad place is medicinal because it shows that having mental illness doesn’t define a person, that you can still find love, and more importantly, find strength within yourself to begin accepting that it’s okay not to be “perfect.”  Once you accept yourself, it’s easier to tackle rather than avoid your problems and find your center in the process.
#2. BRINGING UP BABY
Few things lift me out of a dark mood faster than this madcap 1938 screwball comedy classic with Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant as an heiress who is instantly smitten with a stodgy, about to be married straight-laced paleontologist, who she entraps into a dizzily delightful plan that spirals to involve a tame leopard named Baby, a priceless dinosaur bone, a pet dog who loves to secretively bury priceless dinosaur bones, and an escaped not-so-tame circus leopard. Helplessly laughing at antics that have no meaning, are a perfect reminder that while there is much suffering on this globe, there is also joy!
#3. TERMS OF ENDEARMENT
There are tear-jerkers, and then there is the 1984 Best Picture Oscar winner staring Shirley MacLaine and Debra Winger (both also picked up Oscars) as Aurora and Emma, a widowed mother and daughter with a loving but tempestuous relationship that is tested over the decades. The women have a falling out after Emma marries Flap (Jeff Daniels) against her mother’s wishes. The young couple have three children but Emma eventually returns to her mother after tiring of her husband’s philandering ways. Aurora finds herself in a relationship for the first time in years with a skirt-chasing and scene stealing former astronaut Breedlove, played by Jack Nicholson. We are deeply invested in these richly imperfect characters well before Emma develops terminal cancer. The movie reminds us of the tapestry of life that contains so many weaves—love and disappointment; uncertainty and fear…. At times life can bring what feels like unendurable sorrow, but the ultimate reward of connecting is well worth the risk of reaching out to other human beings.
#4. E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL
Even the most cynical and hopeless soul cannot help but feel uplifted after viewing 1982’s E.T., directed by Steven Spielberg. Ten-year-old Elliot (Henry Thomas) befriends an extra-terrestrial stranded on earth, and like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz (also recommended when depressed!), all little E.T. wants is to go home. While Elliot and the endearing E.T. can’t communicate in words, their telepathic language helps bond these innocent kindred spirits. In addition to brilliantly depicting childhood wonder and magic (the scene of Elliot’s bicycle skating by the moon is a great visual to remember when you need a non-celluloid pick-me-up), the last third of the movie is a great adventure yarn as Elliot, his sister Gertie (Drew Barrymore)  and their friends embark on a desperate race to reunite E.T. with his ‘alien’ family before Government scientists capture the creature from outer space to study him. No matter how daunting the journey, never give up; there is always a way home.
 #5. WHEN HARRY MET SALLY
Nora Ephron’s beloved 1989 rom-com came up repeatedly on the lists of those I polled for this roundup. Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan as Harry, pessimist with a soul, and the uptight but achingly vulnerable Sally shine in this sunny, smart, at times hysterically funny (ergo the iconic fake orgasm in the diner scene topped by arguably the most oft-repeated line in movie history!) story of two friends’ 12-year journey to discovering they are made for one another. Their eventual declarations land so deeply with viewers because the love is grounded in mature yet neurotic, wholly known and believable characters who can be totally themselves with one another as long as they both shall live. Real love between flawed humans rocks!
#6. THE PRODUCERS
Another oft-mentioned depression buster by my respondents is perhaps the funniest movie ever made – the 1968 Mel Brooks’ five guffaws a minute-inducing The Producers. Zero Mostel as shyster Broadway producer Max Bialystock (just typing the name makes me smile) and Gene Wilder as Leo Bloom, Bialystock’s cringing accountant and accomplice in crime, form the laureates of comedy pairings.  When Bloom makes the observation that Bialystock, who raises money for his productions by seducing checks out of sex-starved little old ladies “could make a lot of money by over financing turkeys…the IRS isn’t interested in flops,” the two put in motion a scheme to create a 100 % destined to fail musical “Springtime for Hitler.” To ensure the success of their failure plot, they enlist as playwright neo-Nazi Franz Liebkind, played with 150 % brio   by Kenneth Mars. The best laid plans: The insanity of numbers such as the musical’s dance line of SS girls singing “Don’t be stupid, be a smarty! Come and join the Nazi Party!” make Springtime for Hitler the hit of the season. The non-stop manic outrageousness of The Producers will make you laugh so hard the sadness will roll right out!

6 Simple Fitness Tips You Should Follow Daily

There are lots of great, simple fitness tips you can utilise to make every day go smoothly. For example, people who start their day early in the morning tend to be happier and more optimistic about meeting their goals. For most fitness enthusiasts, waking up early means they have a chance to sneak in a run before work or take time to do some zen meditation to prepare for the day ahead. It’s important to stay motivated about fitness -especially when you have a lot to accomplish within a 24 hour period – and waking up early gives you time to plan and execute more effectively.

What else can you do to keep fit daily? Here are 6 more essential fitness tips that will help you stay strong and healthy so you can face every day with confidence.
Wake up and drink water
One of the best things you can do for yourself every morning when you wake up is to drink at least 16oz of water. It fires your metabolism and hydrates you at the same time, making it easier for the body to get rid of harmful toxins that may otherwise accumulate in your system. ??Drinking water also gives your brain fuel, and it helps the body get more nutrients from food. For improved results, add a slice of lemon to a glass of water every morning – and drink it on an empty stomach.
Workout in the morning
We all know that exercise strengthens body and mind, but did you know that a morning workout session can improve mental performance for up to 10 hours? Research has shown that exercising early in the day can improve mental clarity for 4 to 10 hours, making people more productive during the day. ??In addition, morning exercise stimulates your metabolism so that you burn more calories throughout the day – even when you’re not aware of it! For anybody serious about accomplishing certain fitness goals, it’s more practical to start your exercise routine early in the day.
Find a fit friend
Workout partners can help you stay committed to your fitness routine and more importantly, they’re fun to be with! Multiple studies show that people who have a support system are much more likely to accomplish their goals than people who set out on their own. ??When you connect emotionally with one or two workout pals, they will motivate you to go further, and each time you push your own boundaries, you become more confident in your strength and resilience.
Eat the right foods and portion each meal
It’s easy to ignore food serving as inconsequential when you’re meeting your workout targets, however, this isn’t something you can ignore. Larger food portions have more calories (obviously) and they encourage people to eat more: this is a problem for anybody who’s working hard to stay fit.??To make sure you’re not adding more pounds than you’re losing, eat smaller portions and include a medley of sweet fruit such as mango, oranges, grapes, and pineapple for dessert. The more colourful your food is, the more likely it has good nutrients.
Walk where you can
This is good news for people who don’t like intense exercise – you work out every time you walk! Not many people think of walking as a genuine exercise, but that’s exactly what it is. If you need an easy, low-impact method to burn some calories and keep your body fit, then find time to walk a 5k and bring a friend if you can. Keep in mind that no amount of walking will make you thinner if you’re constantly stacking up on junk food. If you want to slim down, switch up your sugars and fats with a healthier diet. It’s possible to lose up to 10 pounds a month simply by walking and eating healthy food.

Get to bed on time
Routine is absolutely important in our daily lives. The human body craves consistency, and our internal clock needs regularity in order to keep a variety of body systems working at optimal levels. Maintaining a regular sleeping pattern also keeps the body stronger and makes it easier to manage hunger. Your metabolism gets thrown off track when you don’t get enough sleep, or when you can’t maintain a regular sleeping pattern. ??Another reason you need quality sleep is your immune system. Since you won’t benefit much from working out if you keep falling sick, it makes sense to strengthen your body’s defence mechanisms even before you set out to exercise.

How to survive online dating in 5 steps

Online dating is a rollercoaster adventure. But while it’s exciting, it can also leave you feeling a bit bamboozled. What does a successful profile look like? What is the right etiquette? And how can I pick the right person when there are so many options?

As mid-life ex-wife blogger Stella Grey puts it, “it’s a great big dance hall, though without the alcohol or the band. Or the hall.” Online dating is an excellent way to meet people, but you can’t just leave it up to chance.
Yes, online dating can be hard, but it doesn’t have to be difficult. In this step-by-step guide, we’ve rounded up five pieces of advice to help you stay cool-headed on your online dating journey.
1. Make a wish list
Whether you’ve already got your profile up and running, or haven’t yet taken the plunge, take a step away from your screen. Set some time aside to think about you. What do you want from online dating?
“Many of us answer the questions on dating sites aspirationally rather than honestly. We think about idealized versions of ourselves and paint a skewed profile, often not on purpose,” says Amy Webb, the data scientist and journalist who hacked online dating. Her advice is to create a wishlist and be specific.
This is less about whether they prefer Jilly Cooper to Dostoevsky, but more about what stage of life you’re both at and where you want to be. Do you really want someone who’s about to head off on a six-month trek around South America when you’ve just been given a promotion?
This wishlist will help you to define what you want – and make it a smoother process to sort through the many matches and profiles.
2. Give your profile a makeover
You’ve now put yourself out there into the world wide web – great! But maybe you’re not getting as many matches or replies as you’d have liked. See that you’re getting the attention you deserve by making your profile the best it can be.
Read through your profile aloud and ask the question: would you want to date you? The most successful profiles tend to be about 100 words long and use positive language. You’ll come across as intriguing and everyone who sees it will want to know more.
You can also check out a list of our dos and don’ts for Soulmates profiles, plus some excellent advice on how to pick the perfect photographs to show you at your best.
3. Start writing
Now your profile’s looking good, it’s time to start talking to people. Writing your first message can be a bit of minefield, but luckily dating online means you a chance to plan first.
While it can be hard to know what to write, there are a few simple rules to play by. Avoid sending the same identical message to everyone and anyone – this happens too often on dating sites and you’re likely to be ignored. Pay attention to the details on profiles to work out hobbies, likes and dislikes. Show them that you’re interested by asking a question.
This may not seem like the most spontaneous or romantic approach, but if it gets results then what’s to lose?

4. Move offline quickly
Cut short the screen time and move into real life as soon as you can. While it’s important to get to know your match before you meet, save the best conversation for the first date. This can be tricky, and it’s easy to get carried away when emailing or chatting online.
Try not to check your messages too regularly and plan a first date if you like them. If they’d rather keep things in the virtual realm, then don’t compromise. Save yourself the time, energy and potential heartbreak by moving on. You can tell if they’re interested by checking their behaviour against our list of signs your match likes you.
5. Be forgiving on the first date
If everything’s gone to plan (and you haven’t lost the will to live in the process) you’ll have secured yourself a date. Expectations are high. For both parties this is exciting, but also nerve-racking, and can be difficult to know how to behave. It’s not uncommon for stress get the better of you and affect the way you come across. In situations loaded with so much anticipation, people are rarely relaxed and find it difficult to be the best version of themselves.