Being hurt by the person you trusted the most is probably one of the worst feelings. The betrayal makes it hard to trust anybody again.However, the worst part of being hurt by someone you loved so much is carrying the weight of hatred around. An unforgiving heart has no peace, and moving on becomes more difficult. If you don’t release forgiveness to the person who hurt you, then you would be in bondage to anger and pain for as long as you don’t let go.
Choose to forgive
You can’t live a happy and peaceful life without forgiveness. The painful memories of what the person did to you would haunt you forever, and it won’t make you feel good. That is why you should intentionally choose to forgive.It may seem impossible to forgive the person who has made you miserable, especially if the wound is still fresh, but with willingness, you can surely do it.Here are tips that can help you forgive the person who broke your heart. Try them with persistence and prayers and they will surely work.
1. Try to be reconciled with the person
This does not necessarily mean that you would be back in each other’s life. As civilized people, try to talk things over. This way, both of you would be able to express thoughts and heartaches. This may be necessary for proper closure of whatever relationship you had—in case there’s no chance to restore it.Being able to express your sentiments to the person involved can help you be freed from resentment. With this, you can release forgiveness sooner.
2. Decide to forgive daily
Forgiveness does not happen overnight. Wounds take time to heal, so you need to be patient in the restoration process. This does not mean you have to wait for your wounded heart to be healed to forgive the person who caused you pain. Just like love, forgiveness is a choice.When you wake up each morning, convince yourself that you have already forgiven him/her. Even if you don’t feel it yet, believe that you are in the process of getting there.
3. Pray for the person
Blessing the person who hurt you through prayers is understandably hard. Of course, it is not easy to pray for good things to happen to someone you resent, because deep inside you think s/he doesn’t deserve them.However, believe it or not, this act of humility and selflessness will bring you greater benefits. You may not realize it, but actually, your heart towards the person is gradually changed. As you pray for that someone sincerely, God helps you see him/her through His eyes—and your hatred is slowly turned to compassion. This will result in inner peace.
4. Stop thinking about how the person hurt you
Constantly remembering the past makes it hard to let go and forget. As you keep on reminiscing how you got hurt, your resentment is being reinforced, and your anger keeps growing.To stop this from happening, control your mind and filter your thoughts. Whenever the memory starts to creep in, consciously shun it away and find something else to focus on. Forgetting becomes easier, and forgiveness follows.
5. Focus on the positive side of the person
Instead of looking at the negative traits of the person who hurt you, decide to focus on his/her brighter side. If the person was able to cause you so much pain, it means s/he was—or is—someone you value much. For sure, s/he has good qualities that you like.Remember the good things that person did to you. Probably there were times s/he made you happy. Maybe s/he is not really an entirely bad person, and you can tell it. With these good thoughts in mind, releasing forgiveness will be easier for you.
6. Think that you’re not perfect too
Forgive, because you have been forgiven. Being gracious to someone becomes easier if you understand that you are treated with undeserved grace as well. If God has forgiven your sins and failures countless times, then how could you not grant that forgiveness to a fellow human who wronged you?You are not perfect and you also commit mistakes. You could have even hurt that person too. Therefore, forgive just like how you want to be forgiven every time you fail.
7. Don’t regret anything, but be thankful for the lessons
Bad experiences are usually painful, especially when you have been hurt by a loved one. However, don’t regret letting that person into your life. S/he could’ve hurt you, but surely you’ve also shared good moments together.Be thankful for the good memories and lessons you’ve learned with that person. Don’t wish you never met him/her.
8. Forgive for yourself
One of the reasons why you would want to forgive is yourself. Forgive, because you want to be free from the burden of resenting someone and you deserve peace. Forgive, because you want to move on and you deserve to be happy. You don’t want to be entangled in pain and bitterness forever.Forgiving is one of the signs that you are already moving forward. Therefore, strive to achieve this goal in the shortest time possible.
9. Find your own happiness
When you see that the person who hurt you is happy while you’re still miserable, it makes you bitter. Inside, you’re crying out that life is unfair. You think that you deserve to find happiness before s/he does. Of course, it is a normal reaction to want the one who caused you pain to experience the suffering you went through—even more. However, even if this happens, it won’t guarantee your own happiness.Therefore, instead of looking out for how it goes with the person you resent, focus on being happy. Happiness is not a competition. If you want to be truly happy, you will be compelled to forgive and let go of all resentments.
Restoration
No matter how much you’ve been hurt, there’s still a long way ahead of you. That’s why you should not stay down for a long time. Get up, and continue the journey. Time heals, and with prayers, your soul will be restored just in time for greater breakthroughs. For this reason, let go of all the weights slowing you down by forgiving whoever broke your heart.
Cyril Abello