Are you in love? How do you know it’s true love? What if it is only infatuation or obsession? Or maybe you are only overwhelmed by the thrill of getting attention from someone you are attracted to.
Everyone is looking for genuine love. Sad to say, some people who thought they already found it realized that it was not the moment they “fell out of love”.
Find out if what you have for someone is really true love by checking the following signs:
1. It does not go away.
If you fell out of love, then it was not loved at all. What wears off is the feeling of infatuation or attraction—because feelings are fleeting. However, real love is not based on any feeling so it stays even when there is no more attraction.
2. It goes beyond cloud nine.
That ecstatic feeling that we feel when we are in love is actually the thrill of attraction, which is also called infatuation. Whenever you are in this state, you cannot think clearly and everything seems to be surreal. On the other hand, true love can make you genuinely and rationally happy without that magical emotion.
3. It puts the other person first.
True love makes you prioritize the person you are fond of. Instead of demanding to be taken care of and treated special (because you want to feel valued), you willingly do these to him/her without expecting to be paid back. Also, it makes you put the needs of that person first before your own.
4. It is not blind.
The real thing does not make your special someone perfect before your eyes—which what infatuation does. Instead, love makes you accept the person despite his/her flaws. Although the qualities matter in deciding whether you should pursue the person or not, your affection for him/her is not based on them.
5. It is not based on qualifications.
Moreover, true love is not like a job hiring process that strictly adheres to a set of qualifications in choosing employees. You know it is really loved if you could choose the person even if s/he does not meet your standards. It defies social status, educational background, race, and other criteria.
6. It does not hide the person.
It does not matter if others would be impressed with your partner or not, but you love telling and showing the world that s/he is the person you love. It is not his/her looks, career, or achievements that you are proud of—it is the person him/herself. You want everyone to know that you are with him/her.
7. It does not expect anything in return.
True love is selfless. It makes you give or do anything for the other person without demanding that you receive the same. You are not after impressing him/her or doing him/her a favor so that s/he would stay—you simply care.
8. It motivates the person to change.
If you truly love a person, you would want to change for the better not because you want to impress him/her but because you want to be the best partner. You want to become stronger so that you can protect him/her, and you could be someone s/he could depend on. You would also want to get rid of the habits and traits that could hurt him/her.
9. It gives second chances.
There is grace in love. Even if you got hurt, you would be willing to forgive the person. You could give more than one-second chance, not only because you do not want to lose him/her, but because you believe s/he is worth it.
10. It respects.
One of the elements of true love is respect. Since you respect the one you love, you cannot bear to do anything that could hurt him/her, even if there is no way for him/her to find out. It is not fear that makes you firm against temptations, but it is the honor you have for this person.
11. It is a decision.
Like what it is always said—true love is a commitment, not emotion-based. Committing to love a person means choosing him/her even if there is no more attraction or when the situation gets tough. This decision to stay with the person is an agreement made between the heart and the mind.
12. It gives you security.
True love gives you peace of mind because your heart is at peace. This is because of the trust you completely give—no inhibition—not because you are sure that the person will never break that trust, but because you selflessly choose to give without expecting anything back. As the Bible says, perfect love casts out fear.
13. It grows through time.
Unlike infatuation that fades as time passes by, love grows over time. It is built through genuine friendship, especially if you get to spend more time and do things together. The attachment grows in a natural phase and way.
14. It does not give up easily.
No matter how much it hurts, and even if gets too hard, you do not give up on the person easily. You are willing to go through the pain to fight for the person you love. Sometimes, even if s/he is already pushing you away, you still choose to stay.
15. It is willing to give up—if that is what the person needs.
However, true love knows when to stop—when it is what would be better for the one you love. Since it is selfless, it can be sacrificial just to make sure that s/he will be happy. Love does not insist on what it needs, but it puts the needs of the other person first.
Remember, it is not an emotion
Now, have you ever loved truly? If you are still wondering whether what you have right now is true love or not, then you have to evaluate whether it is making you selfless or insecure. One thing is for sure though, it is not a mere feeling that makes you feel high since it will surely fade away.
Cyril Abello