By which we do not mean stuff like, “Just be hot and cool!”
Hi, so we’ve had our share of crushes over the years. And thanks to all that experience with the sometimes blissful, sometimes agonizing affair that is the early stages of falling for someone new, we can tell you how to handle pretty much every phase, question, and conundrum of a crush. From what to text them to which of their socials you should *really* be stalking to how to get over them, we’ve got you covered every step of the way. But first, there’s the biggest question of all—the one we’ve all asked ourselves, oh IDK, thousands of times since middle school: How do you get your crush to like you back?
Great question, so glad you asked. Normally we’d tell you that attraction is a mysterious and unpredictable force and there’s no guaranteed way to make someone like you. And while, yes, that is technically true (actual FDA-approved love potion when?) There are some legit ways to get someone to like you—and no, we don’t mean the basic ish you already know like, just be hot and cool, duh. We’re talking about actually helpful tips from experts who know exactly how really attraction work.
Again, this isn’t some kind of magic charm (or dubious TikTok hack) that will drive the object of your affections right into your arms, but these surprisingly slick tips and tricks can lowkey go a long way in catching your crush’s eye—and maybe their feels, too. Below, seven experts spill their sneakiest secrets to winning over your crush—including (spoiler) some very welcome intel that your Starbucks habit might actually be your friend in this sitch. Curious? Read on, my friends.
1. Ask them to do you a small favor.
If they perform a minor act of service for you, they will unconsciously associate feelings of approval and positivity with you, says Mario Sinelmann, CEO and Dating Coach at Up Your Dating Game. "It's sneaky but harmless." Maybe don’t make ’em try to acquire Taylor Swift tickets for you, but it’d be okay to ask them to read over an important email you have to send to your boss, ya feel?
2. Laugh at their jokes.
“The more we laugh with someone, the more we are drawn to them,” says Wyatt Fisher, PsyD, licensed psychologist and host of the podcast, Marriage Steps.
3. Share your flaws and imperfections.
Okay, you don’t have to do any big-time trauma dumping, but you can totally talk about how awk you always feel at parties or the fact that you’ve literally never been fully hydrated and are kind of okay with it. Sharing your flaws and imperfections makes people feel humble and safe, says Fisher, “which will encourage them to open up more about their shortcomings, which breeds emotional intimacy.”
4. Be present on Instagram.
"Post quirky photos of your outings or hobbies. To capture your crush's attention, devote some of your Stories to the things—activities, music, or memes—they love," says Celia Schweyer, dating expert at Dating Relationships Advice. "Live and feature your authentic self, while adding a few posts that tell them you totally get their passion."
5. Watch a scary movie with them.
Adrenaline sometimes = attraction. “Putting your crush in fear-enhancing situations has the potential to make them like you because they attribute their adrenaline rush and increased heart rate to you, rather than the situation,” says Adina Mahalli, relationship expert at Maple Holistics. But don’t like, go out of your way to straight-up scare them all the time like you’re trying to cure their hiccups, you feel?
6. Carry a warm drink in your hand.
“According to research, people tend to view those around them with more warmth when they have a hot drink in their hand,” says Mahalli. (Remember when I told you earlier that your Starbucks latte was def doing you favors?) Oh, and avoid cold drinks too if you really want to play up this angle. (Sorry to my iced coffee even in winter girlies.)
7. Mimic what your crush is doing.
Yup, it’s a thing called the Chameleon effect. “When you mimic someone’s behavior, they think more favorably of you. It creates a connection,” says licensed sex therapist Cheryl Cyr. You see someone smile, you smile. They rub their face, you rub your face. They move their hair, you move your hair. “Follow it up with eye contact to seal the deal,” says Cyr. The key here of course is subtlety. If you’re just out here blatantly copying everything they do, they are probably not gonna find you particularly endearing. (By which I mean they’re gonna find you creepy AF.)
8. Wear the same colors they do.
“Notice what color clothes they wear most often, and then add some of those colors to your wardrobe,” says Cyr. Pro Tip: Your crush is totally going to notice that you’re wearing the colors they’re attracted to.
9. Pull tricks on them.
Ah, my personal favorite. No need to be mean or send them to the hospital with a broken arm, but a harmless, well-timed shenanigan here or there? Totally fair game (and totally cute, TBH). “This is a good way to stoke a sense of mystery and curiosity,” says Brooke Sprowl, LCSW, clinical director at My LA Therapy.
10. Find unusual similarities.
“We are attracted to people we perceive as similar to ourselves, and research suggests that attraction will increase if we perceive our commonalities are rare or unusual,” says Madeleine Mason Roantree, dating coach at The Vida Consultancy. So yeah, it’s def a big deal if your parents went to the same high school or you’re both Scorpios (it's okay to geek out).
11. Don’t be afraid to get a lil touchy-feely.
“The occasional subtle touch enhances our feelings toward each other, whether it be picking up an imaginary hair off a shoulder or a gentle pat on the arm as you laugh at a joke,” says Roantree. This applies especially for all of you physical touch love languagers.
12. Spend lots of time with them.
This may be the more obvious one of the mix, but quality time is everything. I mean, how are you going to get to know someone unless you spend time with them? It’s a thing called "The mere exposure effect" and it "refers to the fact that simply being around someone often and long enough will increase their liking of you," says Roantree.
Taylor Andrews and Kayla Kibbe