Should You Kiss on a First Date?

 You're heading out on a first date: Will the night end with a kiss or not? It's likely all you're thinking about in the hours leading up to said get-together. But don't let it overwhelm you.If you're having a great first date with someone, the conversation is flowing, and you can feel the sparks flying between you both, you may be wondering if you should kiss this person at the end of the date. On the one hand, it's clear that you enjoyed your time with this person and had some laughs, but on the other hand, is it too much too soon?It's not surprising that there is a vast array of differing opinions as to whether or not you should kiss on a first date. When it comes to your dating life, it's important to understand the different views in order to determine what works best for you.Read on for some pointers on how to follow your gut when it comes to kissing on the first date and what might be right for you.

See if You Have Chemistry

If you're on the fence, consider this: One of the benefits of kissing on a first date is that it can actually help you determine if there's even chemistry between you and your date. While you may have hit it off and have a lot in common, kissing on a first date enables you to see if you have any romantic rather than platonic potential. If the kiss is as terrific as the date was, this can be a great indicator that you have matching styles. If the kiss turns out to be bad, consider it an early indicator that you may not have compatible sexual styles, which could become more of an issue down the road.In an article on Psychology Today, Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. states that a first kiss is "positively [ornamental] behavior in and of itself and is linked to relationship satisfaction and commitment in adolescence and adulthood," adding, "If kissing is part of the search for self-definition that occurs in adolescence, as the authors propose, that first kiss could help you gain some clarity into your own goals and values."That said, give it a chance. Just because the first kiss might not have you seeing stars doesn't mean that you should drop your potential suitor like a hot potato. It just might help aid in your decision, that's all.

Enjoy the Fun

Another reason why people like to kiss on a first date is that kissing is—let's face it—fun. When you've had an enjoyable, engaging, and thrilling first date with someone, sealing the evening with a terrific French kiss can be a way to add an exclamation point on the great time that you had with one another. And, in some cases, kissing on a first date can leave you both excited about getting to see each other and kiss each other again in the future. Sheril Kirshenbaum, author of The Science of Kissing explains, "The more anticipation you feel leading up to a kiss, the greater the dopamine spike." Besides, if you're both vibing, don't get bogged down with what you think you should or should not be doing. Follow your instincts!

Leave Your Date Wanting More

Those who are opposed to kissing on a first date are often believers in the "less is more" mentality. While you clearly had a nice time with this person, there's something about leaving him or her wanting more that can work in your favor. By withholding a kiss on a first date, your date may leave wondering what it's like to kiss you and be even more motivated and inclined to ask you out on a second date. Playing hard to get can start on the very first date when you decide to save your kisses for another time. 

Don't Expect It Leads to a Second Date

If you're wondering if you should kiss on a first date, the harsh truth is that it doesn't signify that you'll have another date with this person. There are plenty of daters who end up kissing at the end of a great first date, but then never hear from or see this person ever again. In some instances, kissing on a first date can simply mean that you're kissing this person goodbye for good, as many people who are serial daters or are only interested in hooking up may go in for the kiss now only to ghost you later. 

Go With Your Gut

When it comes to kissing on a first date, it's important to remember that it's totally your decision. As no two first dates are alike, it's up to you to decide whether you'd like to kiss this person or not. And in most cases, this simply happens in the moment. There are many factors that can play a role in this decision, and sometimes the location of the first date, the time of day, or even the weather can be the reason to kiss or not to kiss at the end of the date.The key is to trust your gut and go with what your instincts tell you, as having a blanket response to always or never kissing on a first date isn't entirely realistic. You have to trust yourself, and the more first dates that you go on, the more dating apps you join, and the more you put yourself out there, the better you'll be able to recognize firsthand if you should or shouldn't kiss someone.

Stacey Laura Lloyd

7 Topics to Talk About on a First Date

 First dates can be fun and exciting, but let's be honest—they're also a bit uncomfortable and intimidating. The goal is to hit it off with this person and potentially find someone special, but what if you run out of things to talk about during the first few minutes of the date? Or what if, in your attempt to keep the conversation alive, it starts to feel like a job interview? Good news! You don't have to deal with dreaded awkward silences or uncomfortable pauses any longer, because we've come up with seven great first-date conversation ideas. They'll not only improve date number one and help you connect with each other, but will also up your chances of snagging date number two.Read on for the best conversation starters for dating to try on your next romantic evening.

Talk About Where You’re From

When you and your date share your experiences from your childhood, it can help increase the bonding between the two of you, as well as help you learn more about each other. Whether you come from very similar or very different backgrounds, talking about where you’re from, your family life, and details from your childhood can help reveal new insights about one another. For example, you may find that while you're the youngest of four and they're an only child, you still watched the same shows, played the same video games, and went to similar summer camps.

Discuss Your Favorite Movies, TV Shows, and Books

In today’s world of Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and Audible, there's definitely not a lack of streaming services or access to movies, shows, or literature. With this in mind, talking about the different TV series you're watching, dishing on must-see movies, and telling them more about your all-time favorite books can help keep the conversation flowing while you and your date reveal more about your respective personalities. For example, if you love Stranger Things, can’t get enough of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, or have read everything by J.K. Rowling, these can be great starting points for first-date conversations. As you discuss what's binge-worthy and what's hot right now, it can help you to see if there are any sparks between you and your date.

Open up About Your Hobbies

When you’re on a first date, it’s important to talk about your favorite pastimes and passions and share what makes you who you are. If you’re a guitarist, a yogi, or an avid football fan, opening up about your interests can help to create new opportunities for you and your date to get to know each other on a more meaningful level. By talking about what you like to do for fun, you’re teaching your date more about you and opening the door to find out more about them in return. You'll learn about their preferences while also gauging how much free time they actually have and how they spend it.

Have a Conversation About Travel

Speaking of hobbies, do you consider yourself a jet-setter? Are you hoping to visit Greece one day? Did you just take a trip to Hawaii? Talking about travel is a top first-date conversation because it enables you to share your travel stories (both the good and the bad), open up about places you'd like to go one day, and discover any potential incompatibilities. You and your date can learn more about each other's interests and passions as you open up about your ideal types of vacations and favorite travel spots.

Discuss Your Favorite Music

Since you can learn a lot about a person by talking about their favorite music, it's definitely a great conversation topic for a first date. While you may learn that you and your date enjoy the same types of music and may have even seen the same bands or festivals live, you can also expand your own music repertoire as you learn about the genres and bands that your date likes. A first date can be a great way to get new band recommendations, and sharing about music and concerts can help the two of you bond. You can open up about the best (and worst) shows you've ever been to or talk about the different artists who you'd love to see live.

Chat About Your Ambitions

Where do you see yourself in five years? How about in ten years? When it comes to these bigger life questions, being able to candidly talk about your goals, hopes, and desires on a first date can be a great way to get to know someone better. Your goals don’t have to be just career-oriented—the key is to share what you’d like to accomplish, whether it’s learning how to play guitar or mastering French cooking, as this can help your date learn more about your interests and priorities.  

Talk About Food

Since first dates don't always involve food, talking about food can be a great way to set the stage (or set the table) for a second date. As you open up about your favorite restaurants, cuisines, and bakeries, you and your date can discuss the best places in town for a bite, as well as the best meal you've ever had. 

Stacey Laura Lloyd

How to Write a Love Letter to Your Partner

 Can you remember the last time you sat down with a pen and paper to handwrite a letter to your significant other? If the answer is no, you’re definitely not alone. Living in the era of DMs and heart emojis, it’s easy to forget how one of the most treasured ways to say "I love you" is still a good old-fashioned letter. Whether you’re dating, engaged, or have been together forever, letting your partner know how much they mean to you with a tangible note is always a swoon-worthy move.“The vulnerable authenticity of a love letter is what will take [your partner’s] breath away,” explains couples counselor and writer Donna Keehn. We caught up with her to learn how to write a love letter from the heart and find inspiration.“Remember,” she says, “your love letter is not meant to compete with all of the other love letters that exist ... [and] as long as the words expressed are sincere, it will be absolutely perfect for the person lucky enough to receive it.” Ready to get started? Below is everything you need to know to write a love letter.

What to Include in Your Love Letter

1. Start With a Meaningful Greeting 

“With a love letter, the greeting can immediately reflect the depth of your connection and love,” Keehn shares. “But just because you’re being vulnerable and romantic doesn’t mean your tone has to be strictly formal.” Addressing your partner with a cherished nickname like ‘Sweetie Pie,’ ‘Love Nugget,’ or ‘Buttercup' can be just as touching as something like 'My Love.' Also, when in doubt, simply starting with your partner’s first name is intimate in its own way.

2. Recall Romantic Moments  

Reflecting on and sharing specific moments when you “knew” you loved someone is a beautiful start to the heart of the letter. Keehn suggests asking yourself, “Did you experience a moment where you realized all of the ways having this human being in your life has changed you [and] your life for the better? Think about these shared moments in a timeline fashion and capture the experiences and emotions in free-flow writing.” 

3. Write Out the “Why’s” 

Instead of going vague with statements such as “I love your personality,” Keehn encourages digging deeper and exploring the “why” behind what it is you love about someone. Without filtering yourself, try to articulate “why you love their personality, their character, their kindness, their generosity, their touch...” Capture that magic!

4. Close With Candor 

This is the time to express how it really feels now that this person is in your life. “Don’t be shy!” Keehn laughs, “Put yourself fully out there at the end and toss insecurities to the wind.” As for the final line itself, you can of course never go wrong in baring it all through a simple, powerful ‘I love you.’

Tips for Getting Started (and Finishing Strong!)

Just Relax

Don’t know where to start, or having trouble finding a creative flow? “Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and think about your partner,” Keehn says, “[and] let your heart and head fill up with their presence.” By creating a safe space for yourself, thoughts, feelings, and words will start to bubble up without judgment. When they do, just write without worrying about how it sounds. Poetic phrases, concrete statements, and sweet nothings are all perfect. “If you’re feeling stuck,” she adds, “turn to outside inspiration, such as existing love letters, marriage vows, and, of course, Shakespeare, to guide the way.” 

Take Your Time 

For a love letter that doesn’t feel trivial or forced, Keehn suggests going slow and piecing it together a bit at a time. “The vast majority of us want to rush through something when it feels awkward or outside of our comfort zone,” she says, “but when you think about it, just about everything we do, even really big things, are done in small steps…”

Pick a Personalized Medium 

Yay, you’ve written the content of your letter! A fun and, often overlooked, component of the letter itself, is what you write it on. “Let yourself have fun!” Keehn says, “The love letter doesn’t have to be on a fancy piece of stationary to be special.” 

Iconic Love Letter Examples

To leave you feeling inspired, we’ve rounded up some of the most iconic love letters of all time.

Johnny Cash to his wife June:

“Happy Birthday Princess,

We get old and get used to each other. We think alike. We read each other’s minds. We know what the other wants without asking. Sometimes we irritate each other a little bit. Maybe sometimes we take each other for granted. 

But once in a while, like today, I meditate on it and realize how lucky I am to share my life with the greatest woman I ever met. You still fascinate and inspire me. You influence me for the better. You’re the object of my desire, the #1 Earthly reason for my existence. I love you very much. Happy Birthday Princess - John”

Composer John Cage to Merce Cunningham: 

“Today is beautiful and I am dreaming of you and enigma and how we are together today: your words in my ears making [me] limp and taut by turns with delight. Oh, I am sure we could use each other today. 

I like to believe that you are writing my music now: God knows I’m not doing it, because it simply seems to happen. The pretissimo is incredible the way you are and is perhaps a song and description about you … Pardon the intrusion, but when in September will you be back? I would like to measure my breath in relation to the air between us.”

Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera:

“Diego, 

Nothing compares to your hands, nothing like the green-gold of your eyes. My body is filled with you for days and days. You are the mirror of the night. The violent flash of lightning. The dampness of the earth. The hollow of your armpits is my shelter. My fingers touch your blood. 

All my joy is to feel life spring from your flower-fountain that mine keeps to fill all the paths of my nerves which are yours.” 

Lindsey Black

Fact checked by Cherisse Harris

What Are the Five Love Languages?

 Could you and your partner’s romantic spark use a boost? Whether you’re living together or are worlds away, letting your special someone know how much you treasure them (and feeling that affection in return) isn’t always easy. If it’s ever felt like you two are speaking different languages when it comes to how you communicate love, the truth is, you very well might be!In Dr. Gary Chapman’s groundbreaking work, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Commitment to Your Mate,” he categorizes five general ways romantic partners express and experience love:

  1.Words of Affirmation

  2.Quality Time

  3.Acts of Service

  4.Receiving Gifts

  5.Physical Touch

To help explore what each of these means and how to incorporate them in your own love story, we reached out to Donna Keehn, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Keehn frequently utilizes the concept of love languages when working with her clients, and considers them a wonderful tool to play with. As it turns out, the insight they offer can bring both immediate and lasting positive change to any relationship dynamic.“So much of the time, especially in working with couples, each partner has no idea of their own love language, let alone their partner’s love language, which can leave both feeling continually disregarded, unappreciated, and unloved despite trying hard to connect,” Keehn explains. “That’s why I believe it’s so important to understand our own love language, as the more self-awareness we have, the more emotional intelligence we have...the more we can connect to others, including our romantic partner, in healthy ways.” Below, Keehn dives into all five categories with tips for integrating each into your life and recommends paying close attention to which category best reflects how you like to give and receive love.

Words of Affirmation

“Typically, people who connect with this love language value feeling appreciated, loved, and understood by their romantic partners through verbal acknowledgments (aka showing affection through words),” says Keehn. To get a sense of this love language in action, she shares how “tender ‘I love you’s,’ heartfelt compliments, and words of encouragement, support, and appreciation” are all perfect examples.As for incorporating this love language into your relationship, Keehn has good news: “This love language can be so easily expressed, and in so many ways!” She suggests using a variety of mediums to share meaningful words with your partner, such as social media platforms, texting, handwritten notes, and, of course, simply speaking to them directly.

Quality Time

“People who resonate with this love language value feeling fully seen, accepted, and adored through sharing intentional time with their partner free of phones, television, and social media,” says Keehn. Laughing, she adds, “Just step away from the screens!” While sometimes difficult to cultivate given all of the distractions around us, there are plenty of ways big and small to honor this love language and find one on one time: “A brief moment of intense connection, deep conversations with focused eye contact, a planned getaway where privacy abounds adds up...anything that fosters active and intentional time to connect give undivided attention is perfect.” 

Acts of Service

You know the phrase “actions speak louder than words”? That’s this love language’s motto! “Acts of Service is the love language of doing things for your partner, most often in an attempt to make their lives easier,” explains Keehn. “If this is your primary love language, you value feelings of being deeply cherished, appreciated, and not being taken for granted.” To connect with a partner who “speaks” this love language, try to provide comfort in times of stress, and proactively look for opportunities to lighten their load “even if it means having to go out of your way” encourages Keehn. 

Receiving Gifts

Receiving Gifts is the love language of gift-giving and, don’t stress, a gift’s worth isn’t attached to a price tag here. As Keehn explains, “A common misconception of this love language is that the gift must have a dollar value (the higher the monetary value, the better the gift) but, in reality, it’s all about the perceived value in terms of thoughtfulness.”She adds, “People who have Receiving Gifts as their primary love language often talk about the symbolism behind the gifts, and the emotions they invoke, including joy, laughter, and feeling really seen and valued.” The key to being a gift-giver in this dynamic is in making sure a gift really “reflects your partner’s world, their interests, their desires, their favorite things/experiences, etc.”

Physical Touch

“First things first, let’s get this clear,” laughs Keehn, “the love language of Physical Touch encompasses so much more than sexual intimacy!” She explains, “Physical Touch can also be thought of as Meaningful Touch, and this love language is really about showing love through physical expressions [such as] holding hands, kissing, hugging, cuddling, and more.” What people who have Physical Touch as their primary love language ultimately value is “the deep emotional intimacy they experience with their partners when touch is involved, whether it be non-sexual or sexual in nature.”As for a fun way to explore this love language? “I tell couples to turn in toward each other (full-on eye contact) along with some physical touch (such as holding hands), for thirty seconds (I set a timer),” says Keehn. “Without fail, they are shocked at how deeply connected they can feel in that short of time [and how] the feeling of connectedness carries them through thick and thin and beyond!”

Lindsey Black

Fact checked by Cherisse Harris

23 Signs Your Boyfriend Really Loves You

 He’s probably the type of guy who always says, “I love you” but how can you really tell that he does? If only finding the answer is as easy as plucking petals off a flower, then you don’t have to worry anymore. I hope everyone knows that words are just words, and it’s still actions that really count. Not all people who say those three words and eight letters really mean it. Love is a tricky thing, so you should be wise as well.

23 Signs Your Boyfriend Really Loves You

Find out the answer as you read through the signs I listed down if your boyfriend really loves you.

1. He always makes a great effort.

A boyfriend who truly loves you will not be contented with making mediocre efforts because he always wants the best for you. Even if it’s too much for him, he will do it because he’s happy to do it.

2. He always finds a way to be with you. 

A guy who truly loves you will free his time for you no matter how hectic his schedule is. Remember that there is a big difference between someone who frees his time to talk to you and someone who talks to you during his free time.

3. He stares at you as his dream has finally come true.

He looks at you like he can’t believe you’re with him. This is the kind of guy who is not looking at you for lust and desire, but rather it’s a look reserved only for you. I have to admit I find this sweet, especially if my boyfriend tells me, “I can’t believe someone like you is already mine.” I can’t help but shudder in delight every time I hear this, and I feel his love for me.

4. He can’t keep his hands off.

Being in love with you means he loves to stay close to you, touch you, and hold your hand. Touching you in different ways like stroking a stray hair off your face or holding your hands in public shows how much he adores you and how proud and lucky he is to have you.

5. He makes you laugh.

The first hint of love to look out for is if he makes an effort to make you laugh every day. He never passes up the opportunity to make a joke or to make a silly face because your laughter is probably music to his ears. Humor is one of the ways guys do sneak into a girl’s heart, so you better hold him up and tell him that he’s already there.If he is comfortable enough to make a fool of himself to make you laugh, then there is no doubt that he is in love with you. A guy who is into you loves to see you smile and will do everything he can to bring it out, especially when you’re feeling down.

6. He cuddles you like a baby. 

If he loves to cuddle you with pure love and affection, then you’re lucky enough to have him. A guy who loves to embrace his girl like she’s a baby is a sign of gentle love. It could also be a sign that you are a precious treasure to keep and handle with care for him.

7. He misses you when you’re apart.

When a guy loves someone, he longs for her presence and misses her when she’s gone, even if he sees each other for like an hour. He will make a call or send text messages just to talk to you and feel like you’re with him though you’re far.

8. He doesn’t give up.

He doesn’t quit without a good fight. No matter what your relationship has, he will try his best to find a solution to solve it. He doesn’t care what others will say. He always endures, and he doesn’t lose hope.

9. He gets jealous but knows how to control it.

To get jealous is just normal in a relationship because it is a sign of overflowing love. It is also a sign that he’s afraid to lose you. However, a guy who truly loves you will not be overly jealous because he understands that it is bad for you and your relationship.

10. He pauses his favorite video game to talk to you.

We all know that there is something about games and guys that are just inseparable. But when he pauses his video game or cancels his night out with friends to talk and be with you, he surely prioritizes and adores you.

11. He tells you his secrets.

Men are usually secretive and avoid emotional discussions. If he tells you his deepest, darkest secrets, and isn’t afraid to be emotionally vulnerable to you, then that’s a definite sign that he loves and trusts you. He has invited you inside his personal bubble, a level of closeness that you won’t share with anyone else.A guy who has nothing to hide is better than someone who tends to be very mysterious and sketchy. If he opens up about things he never even dare to tell his closest buddies, then it means he trusts you and really loves you.

12. He includes you in his plans.

If a guy includes you in his plans, it shows that he sees you as part of his future. Guys wouldn’t do that unless they consider the girl as their life partner.

13. He makes you his priority.

If he makes you his priority, he will consider you a special person, and a special person means extra attention, extra effort, and on top of the priority list. Another bonus thing is if he goes the extra mile, never to make you feel neglected.

14. He introduces you to his family and friends.

He shows you off around his friends. You are part of his social circle, and you know it because you’re always there when he hangs out with his friends. He invites you to their parties and brings you as his plus one to all sorts of occasions. It’s not only that, and he’s not afraid to show you off, tell his friends how proud he is of you, and how much happiness you bring into his life.You’ll know if the guy is serious about you when he introduces you to his family and friends. This takes the relationship to another level, and not all guys are ready for that unless he’s in love with you.

15. He texts you each morning and night.

You know he’s in love with you when he texts you “good morning” the moment he wakes up and asks, “how’s your day?” before he goes to bed to make sure you’re alright. These acts show that he thinks of you every day and night, and that’s when you know you’ve got him.

16. He stands by you through good times and bad times.

When a guy truly loves you, nothing will be more important than being there for you in times of trouble. He’ll step up and be there no matter what the situation is.

17. He forgives you.

If he really loves you, he can’t stay mad at you for too long without regretting it. He’ll make the first move and apologize even if he’s not wrong.

18. He respects you if he really loves you.

Love is all about respect. You’ll know he’s in love with you if he respects your decision, opinion, and everything about you.He supports you in anything that you do. One way of showing love is showing support, so if you constantly find him as your number one cheerleader, then it’s highly likely that he loves you. He would never want a loved one to feel like he doesn’t care at all or he disapproves of your dreams.

19. He wants you to be yourself.

He wants you to be yourself, and why is this? Because he really loves you for who you are, he would never want you to be anybody else. He truly loves you if he lets you be the most authentic and best version of yourself because he accepts every special thing and every flaw about you.

20. He loves spending for you.

Whether it is time or money, if you become his priority, he’ll sacrifice these things for you. He’ll love giving gifts for you, paying for your meal, or spending time with you when he could be working. It doesn’t matter how expensive it is, but what matters is how much he is willing to sacrifice.

21. He always makes sure that you’re safe.

Suppose he makes sure that you’re safe all the time. He either drives you home or calls you immediately to check if you got back safely, he steers away from sketchy areas when you’re both walking, or he randomly checks up on you to see how you’re doing. Your well-being is his priority, and of course, he wouldn’t want anything terrible to happen to someone he loves.

22. He gives you sweet surprises.

He gives you sweet surprises. It doesn’t have to be anything big because it can only be a cute stuffed toy, a few pieces of roses, or just a small box of chocolate. The important thing is the thought, effort, and time that went to put it together. If you’re not anyone special to him, then why should he be taking the time to give you surprises, right?

23. He is proud of you.

He wants you to live your life unapologetically, and no matter what you do, no matter which path you take or decision you make, he never fails to let you know that he is proud otherwise. When you love a person, you will celebrate that person’s victories and comfort him in his failures, and this is something he’s very much willing to do as well.

A poor guy who only has $100 in his pocket but has bought you something worth $200 is a better lover than a rich guy who has $1 million but has only bought you something worth $100,000.

There are no specific ways on how you’ll find out that the guy is really in love with you because, at the end of the day, it’s still up to your own feelings and instinct. But I hope these signs can be your guide so you would know what to look out for in your boyfriend beyond his every “I love you.”

Marydel Mitch Flores

36 Questions to Ask Your Partner That Lead to Love

 Everyone wants a magical formula to fall in love. Wouldn't it be great if there was a guaranteed, scientifically proven exercise to build true connection and romance? That doesn't exist exactly, but there is at least one way to try and take matters into your own hands.Art Aron, Ph.D., wrote a list of 36 questions that are scientifically proven to create connection and closeness among humans. They are not specifically designed to foster romantic connection—they work for friendship or business relationships, for example—but these questions have been tried and tested by many couples who claim that answering helped them make great strides in the love department.To learn more about the 36 questions, we interviewed Dr. Aron and asked him to explain why this exercise leads to connection and how couples should use it in their own lives. Read on to find out what he had to say and get a list of the questions for you to try at home.

How Do the 36 Questions Work?

The methodology behind the 36 questions is relatively simple. Dr. Aron first studied the factors that determine what makes people fall in love and then drafted questions to manufacture what is needed.For example, he found that in order for people to fall in love they have to think the other person likes them. "We set up experiments where we set up people to feel romantic connections," he explains. "What we found is probably the single strongest predictor is thinking the other person likes you. People want to think that being hard to get is a good thing. The evidence shows that it's good for people to think you are hard for others to get, but it doesn't help if they think they can't get you."So many of the questions are designed to help each person think the other likes him or her. "There are a lot of questions like, 'Name some things you've noticed about the other person that you like," he says.Another crucial component of true love is the ability to be vulnerable around one another. "What we've learned is what matters not so much as self-disclosure but feeling the other person's responsiveness," adds Dr. Aron. "You want to know the other person cares about you." Accordingly, many of the questions urge both partners to open up and share deep thoughts they might not have in the past.Through his studies, Dr. Aron also found that feeling like you have things in common really matters for connection. "Actually having things in common doesn't really matter," he notes. "Thinking you have some things in common does." So many of the questions ask the couple to take note and share similarities they believe they have.

How to Use the Questions

Dr. Aron gives a warning to anyone using the questions: While the exercise will certainly deepen your connection to someone, there is no guarantee it will lead to love. "This procedure should deepen the relationship, but it doesn't necessarily make you fall in love," he says. "If everything else is in place it won't hurt. There are no negatives."If you want to try them anyway, he says it's essential to take turns answering one question at a time. "If you reveal deep things to the other person, and then they reveal them to you, you feel safe about it," he shares. "You are likely to be responsive because it's been going back and forth. This part is crucial. Studies show if you answer all the questions and then your partner answers all the questions you don't get the same results."Also, use the procedure sparingly. "You have to be careful with the procedure. You can't use it too many times because your answers will become rote," he warns. "If you are going to use it more than a few times, you need to make up some questions of your own. You can sort of look at the kinds of questions and come up with other ones."

The 36 Questions

Set One

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set Two

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set Three

25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling..."

26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. 

Alyson Krueger

20 Cute Signs She Loves You Secretly

 Do you have this girl friend who seems weird whenever you are around? Are you suspecting that she actually loves you but cannot just express it?

Most girls are naturally sweet, but those who are in love are very easy to read too. If you are a sensitive person, you can feel if she is treating you special. However, if you are unsure of how she acts around you, the following signs may actually help you confirm.

Attention

One of the obvious signs of a person in love is how they crave the attention of the one they like. To the same extent, they love giving attention to that person as well.

1. She Cares about What You Think of Her.

Does she always ask you about how she looks? Or if you like her dress or new hair? Or does she ask you what you want her to change about herself? If your perception is a great deal to her, there is a big possibility that she likes you.

2. She Always Wants to Catch Your Attention.

Another sign that she is secretly in love with you is being an attention-seeker—not just anybody’s attention, but yours. For instance, she would excitedly show you her new painting or ask you to listen to the new song she recorded on her phone.

3. She Dresses to Impress Whenever You Will Be Around.

Have you ever noticed that she is always more glamorous whenever your meeting is planned than when you just accidentally bump into each other? It is possible that she really prepares for your meetups because she wants you to see her beauty.

4. She Showers You with Attention.

You can confirm the girl’s affection for you by how she attends to you. Even when you are with a group, you can observe how her eyes are only for you. Whenever you say something, she is your avid listener, and she will always be the first one to respond. Expect also that she will notice every little thing about you.

5. She Likes Having You Alone to Herself.

Have you ever noticed how she likes it better when you are alone together? She is happier and livelier whenever it is just the two of you. Then, you can observe how her mood dampens whenever someone joins you.

6. She Blushes When You Compliment Her.

Another sign that you are special to your friend is how she responds to your praises. She could blush or suddenly feel awkward for a moment whenever you give her a compliment. You might even catch that faint smile she tries to stop from showing on her face.

Care

You would know how you matter to a person based on how they care for you. If you notice genuine care, surely, there is love. 

7. She is Concerned about You.

If this girl is always worried about your welfare, like when you are sick, it is a clear sign of affection. Also, whenever you are going through something, she probably annoys you with her unending encouragement and reminders.

8. She is Always the First to Respond When You Need Help.

How long does it take for this girl to respond to your request for help? If she never fails to be available whenever you need a hand, she truly cares about you. How about if she is willing to sacrifice whatever she is doing—no matter how important it is—just to be there for you?

9. She is Willing to Be Your Shoulder to Cry On.

This girl loves lending you an ear. She is always available whenever you need someone to talk to. In addition, she will always assure you that you can trust her with your secrets.

10. She Always Checks on You.

Whether you are sick or not, this girl who secretly loves you will always express her concern. If not every day, she probably messages you at least once or twice a week. And most of the time, she always types in the magic words “how are you”.

11. She Defends You.

This girl will always stand by your side. Even if you are not around and she hears someone badmouthing you, she would not tolerate them. Expect her to defend you even to the point of getting into a fight. That is how loyal she is.

Value

Love makes a person special to someone. It compels an individual to walk an extra mile for that person they hold close to their heart.

12. She Appreciates Every Small Thing You Do for Her.

If a girl loves you, she will treasure your kindness to her. Expect that she will not forget the burger you gave her one afternoon two years ago. Also, do not be annoyed if she keeps thanking you for some help even it was too small for you.

13. She Thanks You All the Time.

Talking about gratitude, she overflows with it whenever you meet. She will not forget to thank you for almost everything. She would even thank you for picking up the trash along the corridor and for helping the lady cross the road.

14. She Treasures the Simple Gifts You Gave Her Long Time Ago.

Did you give her a small token three years ago? Have you given her a simple birthday card months before? Expect that these, among other things you have given this girl, are carefully tucked in a treasure box. Why not try asking about them?

15. She Expresses How Important You are to Her.

She may not directly express that she loves you, but this girl will not shy away from conveying how she cares about you.  She would probably tell you that you are her best friend or you mean more than a brother to her.

16. She is Often the First One to Greet You on Your Birthday.

Does she make sure she is the first one to greet you on your birthday by messaging or calling you at exactly 12 midnight? If she is this thoughtful, it only means that you are truly special to her.

Attachment

Girls who are in love are normally attached to the guys they like. They are normally comfortable and vulnerable with them.

17. She Tells You Her Secrets.

Is she open to you about her thoughts, feelings, and even secrets? If yes, it is possible that it is not only about trust. She is probably opening her world to you because she wants you to be part of it.

18. She Always Calls and Talks to You When Needing Comfort.

And what about whenever she is not okay? Are you the first person she usually looks for whenever she feels like crying? If you are, it means that you are home to her. And your presence is her source of comfort.

19. She is Clingy to You.

It is usual for less mature girls to be clingy to the guys they love. So, if this friend of yours does not leave your side whenever you are around, you have a clue why. She cannot resist the urge to be with you.

20. She Appears Jealous When You Talk to Other Girls.

Have you ever noticed how she suddenly becomes irritable and moody whenever you are enjoying the company of other girls? Then, whenever you try to engage her, she refuses and may even walk away.

Cyril Abello