Monday, 19 December 2016

How Soon After an Orgasm Can You Start Again?

You might think you’re ready for round two, but your penis says otherwise
After a successful session in the sack, you might be ready to call it a night—but what if she’s looking for an encore?
Unlike women, guys must take into account their refractory period before they can consider having sex again. This refers to the time lapse between your initial orgasm and when you’re able to experience an additional ejaculation and orgasm.
And unlike what you see in movies, the notion that you should be able to have sex three or four times within a few hours on a Saturday night probably isn’t realistic for most men, says urologist Richard K. Lee, M.D., of Weill Cornell Medicine.
“Unless you’re 14, you’re probably going to need at least an hour or two to become erect after ejaculating,” says Dr. Lee.
In fact, there’s no hard data on how long your refractory period can last. However, estimates range from 30 minutes to 24 hours, and it likely increases with age, according to a new review in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Scientists aren’t exactly sure what’s responsible for the latency period. But research suggests that post-orgasmic spikes in the hormone prolactin—which hinders arousal and ejaculation—may contribute.
Certain lifestyle factors might also play a role. Drinking alcohol or masturbating regularly could further extend the time it takes you to recharge, says Dr. Lee.
But if it seems to take you days to regain your ability to function sexually, tell your doctor, Dr. Lee advises.
He or she can help figure out if lifestyle habits are hindering you from getting hard, or if other factors—such as stress, new medications, or health conditions like heart disease—are causing actual erectile dysfunction.

14 Foreplay Tips to Please Your Woman

Don’t use them all up in one night!
Guys often write off foreplay as wasted time, but that is likely to lead to frustration for you AND her. In fact, foreplay is a crucial prerequisite for her to enjoy a mind-blowing orgasm.
Read on for 14 imaginative ways to make foreplay fun for both of you.
1. Try this great warmup
The precoital massage: As a warmup to the main event, start by massaging the length of her legs, from her upper thighs down to her ankles.
Then focus on the feet, kneading her heels and all other points beneath. Then zero in on the toes and stretch them individually.
Of course, if her impeccable hygiene encourages you to suck her toes, you’ll have her in ecstasy.
2. Ask what turns her on
Come right out and ask what she likes during sex.
“Most women appreciate men who want to make sure they’re satisfied,” says Barbara Bartlik, M.D., a professor of psychiatry at Cornell University. “If she notices you’re working hard to please her, she’ll be more likely to return the favor.”
And tell us: Is there a better place to develop your work ethic?
3. Boost your foreplay quotient
Improve the quality of foreplay and she’ll never again bug you about the quantity.
“If you act as if you’re just going through the motions to get to the sex, she’s going to notice, and it will take longer for her to get excited,” says Michael Perry, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Encino, California.
So do what you want to do. If you like how her calves feel, stroke them. If you like her butt, kiss it.
“When a man is loving what he’s doing, it’s going to show through and turn her on, too,” says Perry.
4. Go easy
Yes, the clitoris is the obvious place to focus your attention. Still, many men do wrong by it.
“Direct stimulation of the clitoris can actually be painful,” says Cathy Winks, author of The Good Vibrations Guide to the G-spot. “It’s much better to rub the clitoral hood [where the tops of the labia meet] or to rub along the side of the clitoris than it is to go straight for the head of it.”
When playing with the clitoris during oral sex, Birch’s advice is to “focus on the clitoris, then don’t focus on the clitoris. The clitoris reacts best to being teased, so you want to lick it and suck on it a little, build a little tension, then back off on it a bit before going at it again.”
5. Drive her wild with the ‘figure 8’ technique
The figure-8 tongue technique: When you’re at her service down below, work the supersensitive area around her clitoris in a figure-8 pattern. Arouse her with gentle sucking until the little button swells, then carefully expose the area with your fingers.
Use the slippery underside of your tongue to circle it to the left and then to the right. With the rougher top side of the tongue, flick from right to left and then up and down. Finally work up to figure 8s, alternating between your tongue's smooth underside and firmer tip. Constantly vary the degrees of pressure you use.
6. Expand your repertoire
Expand your repertoire of oral sex with this method: You lie perpendicular to her body, which allows you to stroke her clitoris with your tongue in a crosswise motion, rather than up and down. She’ll appreciate the change in stimulation—hopefully, enough to return the reward.
7. A body part you shouldn’t neglect
Oft overlooked as mere roadblocks to the vagina, the labia are packed with nerve endings and are not to be ignored. Hold each one between your thumb and forefinger and massage it, working your way up and down.
Or, using all of your fingers and your palm, “smoosh” the labia together, almost like you’re (gently!) kneading dough.
8. Best position for hitting the G-spot
Most experts say that G-spot stimulation works best when you do it by hand, since it allows for more subtle manipulation. But that means less fun for you. To get at her G-spot during intercourse, enter her doggy-style from the rear.
“It’s the best angle for hitting the G-spot,” says Cathy Winks, author of The Good Vibrations Guide to the G-spot. Keep your hands on her hips and pull her towards you each time you thrust forward.
9. Get down and give me the sexual push up
There’s a reason girls swoon when they see a six pack. They know a man with strong abs is going to be great in the sack.
Sexual push-ups are a great way to flex your abs for her: Assume the standard pushup position you’d use if you were working out. Then have your partner slide underneath you. This variation on the man-on-top position works extremely well for guys with flat stomachs, says sex expert Michael Perry, Ph.D.
“You should have your arms down along her sides, and thrust with your shoulders as well as your abdominals,” he says.
10. Try the ‘X’ position
Women like a guy with strong arms. Emphasize yours by using the “X” position.
Sit facing your partner, legs apart. As you enter her, have her straddle your hips with her legs. Both you and your partner should then reach backward with your arms, placing them about shoulder width apart.
Keep your arms straight, and lean back onto them, so that you arch your back and slightly raise your pelvis (together, your bodies will form the shape of an X). Once you’re in position, lean back on your arms and rock your pelvis to create a strong, thrusting motion.
11. A trick for lasting longer
If you’re worried about getting off too early, try becoming more aware of your pre-orgasmic sensations.
Most men only recognize that last, no-turning-back feeling, that occurs just before ejaculation, says David Copeland, of the How to Succeed with Women website. By then it’s too late to do anything about it.
Try to become familiar with the two or three more subtle sensations that precede that one, so that you can slow down at the right time.
12. Kissing keeps her going
You’re close, really close, but you’re forgetting what got you here in the first place.
“Women get their greatest erotic pleasure from frequent, passionate kissing,” says Britton. “If you get the sense that she’s starting to lose interest, kissing is always the best way to bring her back into it.”
Just remember that passionate kissing doesn’t always mean frantically swabbing out her tonsils. Try to mix up your tongue play with the occasional closed-mouth kiss on her nose, eyes, and forehead.
13. Another good trick for lasting longer
To her, 14 minutes feels like been there, done that.” Time to be the man of the hour.
Rock and roll. Before you get too close to the 14-minute mark, penetrate her as deeply as you can and then stop thrusting. Now press your pelvic bone against hers and start shifting up and down in a kind of rocking motion.
It won’t be as stimulating for you, so you'll last longer, and it may be more stimulating for her,” says Jed Kaminetsky, M.D., a professor of urology at New York University.
14. Reward her bravery
When she initiates the action, make an extra effort to please her sexually and to let her know how much you approve. Tell her you loved her initiation. Sometimes women wonder if you’re going to perceive initiation as negative or if it might make you uncomfortable.

Saturday, 19 November 2016

5 Easy Ways to Make Her Horny

Want her to take the initiative next time? Put her in the right mood, and she’ll do the work for you.
As a guy, you’re probably the one who initiates sex in your relationship. It’s not that your girlfriend isn’t in the mood, or doesn’t want as much sex as you do—you’re just the one who rings the dinner bell 99.9 percent of the time.
Why is that?
“This comes from many things, but one of them is that women are afraid that if they step out of traditional gender roles, they won’t be seen, accepted, and appreciated as feminine being,” says psychologist and relationship expert Tracy Thomas, Ph.D.
“It also becomes another area where she could potentially fail, and be rejected—and most women are terrified of being rejected,” he says.
“You want to get her in the mood—make her horny—but what does that mean?” Thomas says. “What you really want is to make her feel like it’s safe for her to let go, like she can surrender to her sexual desires.” (Want to know if she’s already aroused? Here are 5 Things That Secretly Make Her Horny.)
Here are five tips to get her in the mood, so much so, that she’ll come onto you.
Seduction starts long before any clothes come off, notes relationship expert April Masini of
“Women are a lot slower to warm up, so if you start their engines early and often, you’re more likely to score later,” she says.
If you want her to be in the mood later, start foreplay (or, well, a PG-13-rated version of it) in the morning, before you leave for work.
Don’t overdo it—the idea is to plant a seed in her mind and leave her wanting more, not annoy her with over-the-top romance while she’s trying to do her makeup.
Keep it up throughout the day with a short, strategically-timed text message or phone call, and by the time you get home she’ll be ready to jump you.
This shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it’s hard for her to get in the mood when she’s under a mountain of stress.
“When we’re under stress, we’re primarily designed to not seek out pleasure,” Thomas says. “It’s a survival instinct. Something is wrong, so we have to fix it!”
It sounds simple enough, but Thomas says the key is to help her de-stress in a constructive way—not just help her check off boxes on her endless to-do list.
“If she says she can’t relax because she has to clean the bathroom, that’s not necessarily your cue to clean the bathroom,” Thomas explains. “It probably wouldn’t hurt, but once you’re done she’ll remember that she has to clean the kitchen, and so forth. It’s less about cleaning the house, and more about helping her see that a clean house doesn’t need to take priority over the relationship.”
So pursue that track with her—you’re happy to clean up once you’ve had some quiet time with her.
Arguments don’t make for a very sexy atmosphere (unless you’re in a movie), so would it kill you to just let it go?
“Being right is sometimes the obstacle to being happy, and often the obstacle to romance,” Masini explains. “If there’s the potential for argument on the table, just ask yourself if this really is the hill you want to die on.”
Obviously, if you’re arguing about something important—such as your relationship—it’s another story.
But if it’s just a heated discussion about politics, or world peace, or pirates versus ninjas, then giving in to her point of view, at least temporarily, will do wonders for keeping her in the mood.
You want her to initiate sex more often? Don’t shut her down when she tries—even if her attempt is pretty half-assed.
“The first time, or times, she initiates, she’s going to be nervous that you might reject her,” Thomas says. “For the most part, women are not used to being rejected when it comes to sex, so it’s really important that you do not, under any circumstances, give any indication that she needs to do it better, or initiate more often when she’s in the middle of initiating.”
It’s basic behavioral conditioning, Thomas explains: She initiates, you are super-positive about that, and she’ll do it again and again.
Be generous in bed, and you will find that sexual success is yours, Masini explains.
“She wants to feel good in bed, and if she does, she’ll want to please you—and have more sex,” she says.
If you haven’t figured out what she likes in bed, you should make that a priority, stat! Luckily, it’s as simple as asking her, providing you ask her when you’re not between the sheets.
“If you think she’s holding back, coax it out of her by opening the conversation when you’re not in bed,” Masini suggests. “That way, she’ll feel like the pressure is off.” Ultimately, your goal is to have as much sex as possible, Masini says.
“It sounds stupid, but the more sex you have, the more sex you’ll have. It’s a lot easier for her to be in the mood to initiate when sex is a regular part of your lives,” he says.

Tuesday, 5 July 2016

What the Perfect Breast Looks Like, According to Men and Women

It may sound like a headline from The Onion, but actual British researchers have pinpointed the ideal breast shape, according to a study published in the very real journal Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery.

In this rather unusual bit of science, the British doctors surveyed 1,315 people (men, women, and plastic surgeons), asking them to look at photos of different breasts and pick the proportions they liked best. The winning ratio across all three groups: 45:55, as in 45% of breast tissue falls above the nipple line and 55% below. Turns out, this is a “natural” shape—similar to the Venus de Milo—and nothing like the orb-like, fake boobs of yore.
“Particularly in the United States in previous decades, plastic surgeons have used implants that were often round due to being filled with saline,” wrote researchers Dr. Patrick Mallucci of The Cadogan Clinic and Dr. Olivier Branford of the Royal Free Hampstead NHS Trust in an email. “These inevitably gave an unnatural football-like or ‘Baywatch‘ breast with overfilling of the top of the breast due to the implant shape and lack of understanding as to what to aim for.”
Surprisingly, one subset in the study was more apt to choose perfectly even melons: women over 40. The likely reason? They pine for what they’ve lost up top. “As the breast ages,” wrote the researchers, “it becomes more fatty, the skin sags and the nipple falls, often with breast volume loss.” (As if those of us in our 40’s need a reminder of all that!)
Maybe you’re thinking: How dare experts reveal what’s “perfect” when we all know beautiful breasts come in all shapes and sizes! Well, before you get too worked up, keep in mind that the study was meant to help plastic surgeons have a more consistent template not only for breast augmentation, but also breast reductions and reconstruction after cancer.
Topline takeaway? A natural bosom is the favorite, even with guys—no matter what beer commercials would have us believe. As the British doctors explained, “Preconceptions that men prefer an artificial augmented look are false.”

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

'You Want to Have Sex WHERE?'

From a merry-go-round to a hospital room, here are 7 adventurous spots to get it on in 2015
Having sex in a bedroom is so 20th century, so.... well, something your parents would do. (Apologies for the mental image.) But it doesn't have to be that way. 2015 could be the year you bring some carnal theatrics to your life, and take the sex outside the home where it belongs.
Sound too kinky? Not according to science. Women are actually kinkier than you think. (For more, find out how to Turn Her Sex Fantasy into a Reality.)
But how do you keep it interesting without, you know, ending up in handcuffs? As with anything dangerous in life—mountain climbing, major surgery—it helps to get some pointers from somebody who's been down that road before.
Somebody like, well, me.
I also know a few people who've made brave sex geography choices. They're seasoned vets of outdoor sex— the Indiana Jones and Lara Crofts of lovemaking, if you will—and they're more than happy to share their stories.
Let's take a closer look at some of your options.
Location: Airplane bathroom
How It Can Go Right: On a flight from Los Angeles to Mexico, my boyfriend at the time and I thought we were being stealth, slipping into the restroom one at a time to become a member of the elite Mile High Club. The best sex positions involved having him sit on the toilet (seat down, of course) with me on top. Reverse cowgirl is actually a good position for this one, because the girl can keep her hand on the door just in case the sky marshal breaks in.
We thought we’d gotten away with it, until we returned to our seats and two flight attendants walked up, silently put our tray table down, and laid out a tablecloth, two champagne glasses, and a small rose in a vase. “Congratulations,” they told us.
How It Can Go Very, Very Wrong: If you're lucky like me, you get rewarded for your kinkiness. But in this post 9/11 world, any suspicious behavior, like locking yourself in a bathroom, can get you naked for a whole other reason—a body cavity search by TSA.
Location: A public stairway
How It Can Go Right: My date and I had instant chemistry, and all the neck nibbling and "what I would do to you" dirty talk was making it very difficult to wait. So he escorted me into the bar’s back stairway and instantly pinned me to the wall, facing the wall. (I digress, but guys, this is truly nearly every woman’s favorite move, and most of you simply do not do it enough.) He pulled my leggings down, just past my ass, as I arched for easy entry. The excitement and foreplay at the table was just too much, and he came faster than you can say, "Check please!"
How It Can Go Very, Very Wrong: In this case, coming fast is encouraged because just moments after he pulled out, a group of people came down the stairs to have a smoke. If you're actually pre-planning public sex, don't knock one off before you head out on your date. Quickies are the best way to avoid having your racy little romp revealed.
Location: On a merry-go-round
How It Can Go Right: It was "one of those old metal merry-go-rounds that you spin yourself," says Scott, 48. "She wanted it spinning while we had sex, so I obliged. With my manhood dangling, I started running that thing around as fast as I could. I hopped on the ride and she hopped on me. There is nothing like a simultaneous orgasm while spinning."
How It Can Go Very, Very Wrong: Be careful not to spin the merry-go-round too fast. Nothing kills a boner like your girl puking all over it.
Location: Ferris wheel
How It Can Go Right: Working at a carnival game booth has its privileges for Richard, 52. "We were at the top of a Ferris wheel at an amusement park," he says. "She had on a mini skirt and took off her panties. When we got to the top, I slid into her kind of sideways doggie style."
They were definitely seen by people in the building across the street, which he says "made it more exciting. About a minute after we got off the ride, the cops came running up. I guess they didn't have a good description of which couple was having sex on the Ferris wheel, because we got away."
How It Can Go Very, Very Wrong: These two lucked out by being so nondescript that the rent-a-cops didn't find them and cite them For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. If danger is your middle name and you want to try this, remember to bring a blanket, and wear something nondescript.
Location: Closet
How It Can Go Right: I hosted a surprise birthday party for my friend at my house, and passion overtook any sense of etiquette. When no one was looking, my date and I snuck into the living room coat closet. Hearing the voices of the party guests directly on the other side of the door made it all the more exciting, and everyone was having so much fun that they didn't even notice when we exited the closet and rejoined the party with ear-to-ear grins.
How It Can Go Very, Very Wrong: While my daring dalliance didn't get discovered, another friend of mine had a similar experience that went horribly awry. "My boyfriend's mother invited me over for a home-cooked meal," says Mari, 31. "Just as he was going down on me, his mom swings open the door and says, 'Dinner's ready!' The look on her face will haunt me forever.”
And it just got worse. “The really awkward part was sitting at dinner, making small talk with his mom as my boyfriend silently hung his head in shame."
Location: Hospital
How It Can Go Right: Instead of "Sex Sent Me to the ER," as in the TLC reality show, the ER actually sent Sean, 20, into hyper-sex mode. "I was in the hospital for knee surgery," he says. "It wasn't that the hospital made my horny; it was just a way to relieve stress. If you have a high sex drive like I do, an orgasm calms you down even if you're in a stressful place. The chance of getting caught was an adrenaline rush, but knowing the nurses' schedule helped us know how much time we had."
How It Can Go Very, Very Wrong: Your enemies here are a squeaky bed, a door that doesn't lock, and thin walls (or curtains) that reveal every moan and groan. "Sean suggests “doing it doggy style on the floor holding the door closed,” but that may not be enough to keep the medical staff away.
Location: A moving car
How It Can Go Right: Sound dangerous? Meh. Here's how I successfully accomplished this the safe sex way. First, the guy must keep his seatbelt on, eyes on the road, and hands at 10 and 2 at all times. Let your partner do the, ahem, heavy lifting.
While carefully mounting him at a red light, I placed my head to the left of his and facing backwards, so he could see—this is not the time for Reserve Cowgirl—and rode him for miles. It's easiest when she's petite, flexible, and wearing a skirt. It's also a good idea to stay in the right lane, so if you swerve right it's into the shoulder and not another car.
How It Can Go Very, Very Wrong: You might be tempted to thrust back, hold onto her hips, or suck on her breasts, but please don't. Never take your hands off the wheel—just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Monday, 13 June 2016

Did She Come? Here's How to Find Out

Get answers from her for your burning sex questions
Here's some awesome news: Women throw sex toy parties!
And in not-so-awesome news: Women talk about their sex life at these parties—but only because it’s too awkward talking about it with you.
In a study in the International Journal of Research, researchers found that nearly 95 percent of women at sex toy parties sought sexual information from the party host. Results showed that women turned to these hosts for intimate, sexual advice (like how to enhance their pleasure, boost their libidos, and achieve orgasm).
The study authors suggest that the parties provide a relaxed, nonjudgmental atmosphere for women to ask questions. And while the prospect of women talking about sex with each other is always welcome, shouldn’t you be a part of that conversation?
Jen Landa, M.D., Chief Medical Officer of BodyLogicMD and author of The Sex Drive Solution for Women, says that in order to initiate a post-sex discussion with her, the key is to open up with a compliment about something she does that blows your mind. That way it’ll ease the awkwardness for when you pop the questions you want answered, explains Landa.
Try the technique before serving up these five burning sex questions:
• What You Want to Know: Did she come?
How To Bring It Up: Tell her that it helps get you off when you see her orgasm, Landa says. That way, by letting her know you’ll do anything to see her climax—she’ll be more likely to be honest about telling you if she came.
• What You Want to Know: Is she up for trying new positions?
How to Bring It Up: "Place the origin [of the ideas] onto something else," says Landa. So if you’ve got a specific position in mind, tell her you had a dream last night about trying a hot new position. "By taking the direct pressure off of you, she may be more willing to try and recreate this fantasy," says Landa.
• What You Want to Know: Am I going too fast?
How to Ask It: Let her know how much you enjoy it when she’s on top and controlling the speed. If you tell her it’s sexy when she sets the tempo, it won’t be a surprise when you ask her about your thrusting techniques, says Landa.
A better understanding of her anatomy and the process of her arousal can help you give her an orgasm every time. Check out How to Pleasure a Woman for a comprehensive guide.
• What You Want to Know: Does she need more clitoral stimulation?
How to Bring It Up: Your first objective: Get her off before you get busy. After sex, tell her how hot it is when she climaxes during foreplay. "If you're already on the topic of clitoral stimulation, it makes it more casual when you ask if she's looking for more during sex," says Landa.
• What You Want to Know: Am I good at oral?
How to Bring It Up: The easiest way to talk about your below-the-belt technique is to bring up hers first. Say that you love the way she utilizes her tongue—and then ask her about what she likes. Once the topic is on the table, she’ll feel more comfortable giving suggestions, Landa says.

Saturday, 11 June 2016

7 Secrets to a Flat Stomach

Follow these tips to get toned, enviable abs

It may not be a secret that the best way to a six-pack is regular exercise and a healthy diet (even if it's no diet at all), but there's a right way and wrong way to a flat stomach. Read on for the ultimate guide to getting flat abs.
1. Know the Formula Getting flat abs isn't about starving yourself or living at the gym. Reducing belly fat involves a mix of smart eating and effective exercise. Make sure you eat enough food to keep your body from experiencing hormone imbalances; eating too little (fewer than 1200 calories a day) reduces the amount of the fat-burning hormone leptin in your body, which will slow down weight loss. And if you're just exercising without changing your diet, you'll spend a lot of time at the gym with little result. Read more about the dieting and exercising formula for reducing belly fat here.
2. Posture Makes Perfect Doing regular posture-building exercises pack a double punch when it comes to busting that belly. Having good posture helps you look slimmer instantly, while sticking to a posture-building routine every day will strengthen your ab muscles, and help get you well on your way to a six-pack. Here are some posture-building moves to help you look like you've dropped five pounds.
3. Fight the Fat Abs exercises will help define those muscles, but don't forget cardio for overall weight loss; otherwise all those sit-ups will go to waste. If you want results fast, try high intensity interval training, which has been proven to be one of the best ways to fight belly fat.
4. De-Stress Having too much stress can lead to higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol in your body, which can increase the amount of fat you store around your belly. Can't seem to de-stress? Take a few minutes each day to relax with these tips on how to decrease levels of cortisol in your body.
5. Start with Oatmeal The secret to getting flat abs includes a diet that helps shrink that midsection. The best things to eat include foods high in fiber and other foods that help you beat the bloat. Swap your normal breakfast for a bowl of oatmeal with blueberries, for example; the fiber in the oatmeal will aid in digestion, and the antioxidants in blueberries may help you shed ab fat. Find out more on which foods you should be eating to bust that belly here.
6. Drink to Detox It's not in the foods you eat—what you drink can help debloat and flatten your tummy as well, so bottoms up! Drinking a glass of water every morning, for example, will help you alkalize your body—which helps you burn fat and detox your system. Besides lemon water, here are more drinks to add to your routine so you can regularly detox every day.
7. Stay Away From These There are those foods that help slim your middle, and those that make you feel like a bloated balloon. As you continue your ab-flattening workout plan, be sure to avoid foods that cause bloating, like broccoli and cabbage, when things start getting serious. Find more foods that can cause belly bloat here.

Friday, 10 June 2016

How to Have Dirtier Sex than You Ever Imagined

All sex is good sex—in the beginning. When your relationship is fresh, new positions or novel settings are enough to keep you both interested and satisfied.
But as the years pass, it’s all too common to find yourself stuck with a sex life worn edgeless by routine and complacency.
Fortunately, things don’t have to stay that way.
Here, sex and relationships experts offer some sound advice for cranking up the kink and adding a little—or a lot—of spice to your flat-lined sex life. (And for the comprehensive guide on how to have hotter, more satisfying sex, check out How to Pleasure a Woman. You’ll find tons of inspiration for new things to try with your partner, along with step-by-step instructions on how to give her the best orgasm of her life.)
“One person’s wet dream is another’s wet blanket,” says Tracey Cox, a U.K.-based sex expert and best-selling author. If you pull out your new moves in the moment, her startled reaction may frighten you both away from dirty sex for another few years.
Here’s a smarter idea: Discuss your ideas and turn-ons before you hit the lights, Cox stresses.
Start the conversation over a glass of wine at dinner—or in some other setting where you’re both comfortable and relaxed, suggests Sadie Allison, a doctor of human sexuality and author of The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris.
It might be easier to begin this talk with relatively tame fantasies or role-playing ideas—stuff that will ease you both into the idea of new experiences, Allison says. It may also help to ask her what she’s into first. That way, you’re making it about her desires as well as your own, she adds.
When it’s your turn to share, be positive and confident about what you’re into, Cox stresses. If you make a big deal about asking or you look terrified once you make the request, that could freak your girl out or make her nervous, she says.
Also, be clear that you’re not expecting this every time you do it—only once in a while as a change of pace.
“Most people can cope with doing kinky things consistently but irregularly,” says Cox. “Few want to do it every single session.”
And, above all else, don’t force things, Cox warns. If you’ve told her you’re interested in something and she says it’s not for her, putting up a fight won't change her mind. On the other hand, being cool with her refusal might lead her to rethink things and give it a shot.
Watching some porn or reading erotica together may help charge you both up and make it easier to discuss new ideas, Allison says. If that sounds weird, remember, Fifty Shades of Grey wasn’t a blockbuster book because dudes were reading it.
Chances are good your partner’s interested in this stuff even if she’s never discussed it with you. And it’s a lot easier to say “I like that” while watching or reading about sex than it is to describe your fantasy in detail.
Once you’ve agreed on some new moves to try, do your homework, Allison advises. Whether you’re trying anal sex for the first time or introducing a new toy into your bedroom, there are right and wrong ways to go about things. Knowing the pitfalls ahead of time is the easiest way to avoid them.
And unless your fantasies perfectly align, it may help to split your new sex initiatives into “his” nights and “her” nights, Allison recommends. Starting with her desires may be a good way to show her this is about the both of you, and may make her more enthusiastic when it’s your turn.
Kids are a kink-killer, so dropping them with your parents or getting away to a hotel for a night can help you and your partner disconnect from your distractions, Allison says.
(A hotel is also a good idea because new settings can ease your transition into new experiences.)
It’s also smart to set ground rules—how far each of you is prepared to go—and to establish a safe word, Cox advises. (Make your safe word something you would never say by mistake.)
This way, you can be sure you’re both enjoying yourselves and having fun without having to stop every few minutes to ask, “Are you cool with this?”
In the end, remember that your relationship is more important than the experience you’re having in the moment, Cox says.
Give your girl a gentle hug and a kiss afterward, and tell her how much you enjoyed yourself. And, sometime in the next few days, talk about what you both liked—and what you didn’t—to ensure you walk away from the new experience feeling satisfied and willing to try it again soon.

Thursday, 9 June 2016

What Guys REALLY Think When You Masturbate During Sex

It's a touchy subject.
When it comes to sex, we’re perfectly OK with discussing size, timing, and positions we love—but masturbation can seem a little too tough to talk about (even though we’ve been doing it way longer than we’ve been having sex.)
Masturbation is great for both your physical and mental health and a good way to learn about your sexuality. Many women can’t reach orgasm through penetration alone, and are only able to do so when they masturbate. So why not do it during sex?
Well, some women worry that touching themselves during sex might make their partner feel like he’s not enough for her or that he’s not doing it right.
So, I took it upon myself to find out what men really think when a woman gives herself a handy during sex—and if they think it’s hot. My informal poll of about two dozen guys found that most are cool with a woman masturbating during sex, and that they actually enjoy it. Only three guys thought it signaled they may be doing something wrong. (Note to these guys: You’re not.)
Here's what some of the guys had to say:
Hell Yes!
“Hey, why not! More touching, more feeling, more action!” —Kevin, 26
“I think it's her prerogative.” —Achal, 26
“I really like it and want it to happen more often. I’m doing something right and she’s into it.” —Andres, 27
“I think it is the best thing in the world. It’s better than waking up on Christmas morning to fresh chocolate chip pancakes, a winning lotto ticket, and a brand new car.” —Marcelo, 26
“I think it's pretty cool.”  —Jake, 26
“I think it's interesting.” —Cameron, 24
“Whatever. She chose to be naked with me.” —Brandon, 26
“I find it sexy.” —John, 26
“It’s not really a problem. It adds to the experience.” —Brian, 33
“Using my tools or hers?” —Justin, 30
“I don't care, as long as I'm enjoying it and can get off. I’m doing something right and she’s into it.”—Gus, 27
"Don’t care much at all—leaning positive"—Adam, 25
“I don’t care what a chick does as long as it doesn't mess with my rhythm." —Roberto, 30
"I'm totally into a girl getting herself off."—Nic, 26
Maybe, Baby?
“It depends. Some women may need that additional stimulation. Other women may simply like it or think that I like that she masturbates. On the other hand, there is always the possibility that I'm doing something wrong.  If the sex was in a one-night stand context, I wouldn't think of it, but in a relationship I would ask her why she does it.”— Andrew, 29
Hard Pass
“I’d feel offended! She should do that on her own time” —Joshua, 28
“No way! I would want to know what I’m doing wrong! Why am I not pleasuring you the right way? Yes, she should do that on her own time” —Steve, 27
“Nope! Totally not ok. I’m doing something wrong, and we should work on that. It's a complete turn off.” —Ben, 25
For the women out there who have doubts or are too shy to masturbate during sex, talk to your partner, as you can see: Most men actually love it!

Monday, 6 June 2016

Why You Should Sext Your Wife

Could your smartphone hold the secret to a hotter marriage?

A few months ago I met a buddy for a beer after work. As he was settling in, I grabbed his phone.
“I’ll scroll through your photos and ask about them,” I said. “It’s a fast way to catch up.”
“Nope,” he said, snatching it back. “I’ve got dick pics on there.”
When he travels, I learned, he and his wife keep the connubial fires stoked with explicit texts. “You should try it,” he said.
My wife and I just celebrated our 19th anniversary. I love her all the way to the bottom of her heart, as our daughter once said when she was 4 years old.
That daughter is now 9. She’s got a 16-year-old brother. They take a lot of work. Work, too, takes a lot of work.So, sexting. Maybe I should try it, I thought.
I consulted another friend. I said I might cut a hole in a piece of paper and draw a tableau—like the Last Supper—for my penis to peek through.
“Dude, take it seriously,” he advised. “If you want this to work, do it with sincerity.”
A few days later, my wife left town on a business trip. That night, I sent my first sext:
“Remember that time you and I had crazy sex on our dining room table?”
I followed up: “Have you been sitting there, racking your brain, trying to remember it?”
Finally the response came: “Ha no driving.”The next day, after a perfunctory exchange about what time the dog had last been walked, I pivoted.
“Say, unrelated,” I wrote, “but I was thinking about that day many years ago, before we had kids, when you picked me up from the airport and let it be plainly known that you weren’t wearing panties under your skirt.”
“Ha! What a complete non sequitur and fun memory. We used to be crazier,” she wrote.
Me: “It’s true. You’ll recall that we went to the Blue Goose from the airport, and I had to eat an entire meal while stifling a boner.”
No response. The reference to my long-ago stifled boner sat there, unrequited.Six friends attended happy hour that day. I read my efforts aloud.
“Who says ‘you’ll recall’ in a sext?” one guy asked. “You sound like a lawyer addressing a hostile witness.”
Another: “You ‘stifled a boner’? It’s like NBA coaches miked up in huddles, talking for the TV audience and not the players.”
Their mockery was interrupted when my screen lit up: “Are you working on an article?”
Hooting and hollering ensued. I needed to send a dick pic now, they agreed. One said, “Text her: ‘Does this answer your question?’”
Have you ever tried to cultivate an erection in a bathroom stall in a bar, during daylight hours, without assistance?
Anyway, I sent the photo, along with their suggested message, and was immediately consumed by a level of fear and shame I’d never felt before.
Would she think I’d lost my mind? Or, worse, would she think I had made her the brunt of a joke?
I returned to looks of disbelief at the table. Several minutes passed, and then came her response: “Ummm.”
Not “yummm.” Ummm.
I read her text aloud. One buddy quoted Otter, from Animal House. “You can’t spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes,” he said. “You fucked up! You trusted us!”
Later, I fessed up.
Yes, it was an experiment. But my heart was in the right place, along with my penis. The memory of that ride home from the airport is one I’ll never forget. Sure, we used to be crazier—but still no less in love.
As for sexting? With someone as inept as I am driving the show, it was never going to work. And for me and my wife, texting is all about coordinating the daily demands of married life.
One more thing. When I explained myself that night, my wife said, “You tell them I figured it out,” she said. “I sussed out your little experiment. I’m too smart for that.”
And that’s why I look forward to our 20th.

Thursday, 19 May 2016

Are 30-Minute Fitness Classes Enough to Help You Lose Weight?

Celebs swear by them, but are they really for us regular humans?
The 30-minute workout is gaining serious popularity. The indoor cycling chain FlyWheel, kickboxing gym 9Round, and luxe fitness center Equinox are just a few gyms getting in on the quick and dirty action.
While getting more done in less time is something we can all get behind, you might be wondering if a measly 30 minutes is enough to make a dent in your weight-loss goals. We spoke with the experts to find out.
More Sweat, Less Time
By ramping up the intensity of your workout, you can shorten it up without sacrificing fitness benefits, like weight loss, says Chris Jordan, C.S.C.S., an exercise physiologist and director of exercise physiology at the Johnson & Johnson Human Performance Institute.
Better Fat Blasting
These 30-minute high-intensity interval training sessions up your total calorie burn thanks to excess post-exercise oxygen consumption, or the after burn effect, says dietitian Kim Schwbenbauer, R.D. That's the process in which your body burns extra calories to repair muscle after completing a tough sweat sesh. This phenomenon can also contribute to fat loss over time, she says.
Another fat-burning bonus: High-intensity workouts stimulate the release of growth hormones and catecholamines, which can torch body fat. And by adding strength moves to your HIIT routine, you'll increase metabolism-boosting muscle mass, says Jordan.
A Shortcut to Injury
While the benefits of 30-minute training sessions are undeniable, it's important to think about whether you can sustain a high-intensity workout during class and throughout the week, says Schwbenbauer. If you're new to exercising, jumping headfirst into these workouts increases your risk of injury and overtraining, which makes it harder to keep losing weight.
If you're used to slow and steady training sessions or you're starting from scratch, Schwbenbauer suggests easing into these intense routines to reduce your chances of getting injured. Take a break as needed during each workout and schedule less-intense sweat sessions into your exercise game plan, she says.
How to Dial Up the Intensity
Work up to three to five 30-minute HIIT classes (on non-consecutive days) per week. And don't forget to include active recovery days and lower-intensity workouts, says Jordan. That should push you closer to your weight-loss goals.
Get More Burn for Your Buck
With all of that being said, even a high-intensity workout won't make up for an unhealthy diet, says Jordan. In fact, many studies show that working out and changing up your meals (by including more veggies, unrefined carbohydrates, and lean protein) leads to more weight loss, says Schwbenbauer. So there you have it.
While these short and sweet classes aren't exactly the secret to weight loss, they could be the perfect fit for your calendar—and your jeans.

Wednesday, 18 May 2016

The Number 1 Way to Tell if You're in a Healthy Relationship

New research uncovers the true secret of happy couples.
There are so many reasons why certain relationships just work—mutual admiration and trust, great sex, a shared obsession with Game of Thrones...But new research has found that one element in particular makes it more likely that you’ll stay with your S.O.: being friends.
Two new studies published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples who place a high value on friendship with their partner are more committed, more in love, and more sexually satisfied than those who aren’t friends with their BF or GF.
For the first study, researchers at Purdue University had 190 students who had been in a relationship for an average of 18 months fill out surveys to gauge how dedicated they were in their relationship, how much they had invested in it, and where they hoped it would go.
"Couples who placed a high value on friendship with their partner are more committed, more in love, and more sexually satisfied than those who aren’t friends with their BF or GF."
Researchers followed up in four months and found that a whopping 27 percent were no longer with that same person (#college). When scientists dove into the survey results, they found that those who were still together were more likely to score high in the friendship, romantic commitment, love, and sexual satisfaction elements.
For the second study, researchers asked 184 students who had been in a relationship for at least 16 months to rate how much they value companionship, sex, security, self-improvement, and experiencing new things with their partner. Those who said friendship was crucial in a relationship also scored higher for romantic commitment and sexual fulfillment.
The bottom line? Attraction is important in a relationship, but if you really want to be with your partner for the long haul, it’s a good idea to date someone who'd also make a great BFF.

Monday, 16 May 2016

The Huge Sex Mistake You're Probably Making

It's what you're not saying that can get you into trouble.

So you've been seeing the same guy for a while now and everything is going great—he plans fantastic dates, he gets along with all your friends, and the sex is cancel-all-other-plans-amazing. Things are starting to get serious, and you're not seeing anyone else, so when he doesn't grab a condom one night…you don't either.
If this has happened to you, you're definitely not alone. According to a new study released today by Trojan, most people between the ages of 18-34 stop using condoms with a repeat partner by month two. The problem is, only about half of those people said they had a discussion about this first, and just 21 percent said that they talked to their partner about STD testing before they ditched them.
The study looked at 1000 heterosexual people who were either single or in a "new relationship" under two years and were not trying to become pregnant. Even though 80 percent of respondents said condom usage was important to them, a whopping 41 percent didn't use one the last time they had sex.So what's going on here? We're all smart adults and we know that STDs are things that exist. But for many people in a new relationship—especially one that's transitioning from a hookup to something more—forgoing condoms can almost be like an unspoken act of exclusivity and seriousness. Oh, you don't think we need condoms anymore? Yeah, me neither.
The problem is, deciding to have sex without a condom should not be an unspoken act of anything under any circumstances. According to science, STDs aren't swayed by trust and warm, fuzzy feelings."We must be careful not to mistake comfort with someone for safety," says relationship expert Matthew Hussey, author of Get the Guy and matchmaker on NBC's Ready for Love. That said, we know this is a tricky situation and it's so much easier to just leave that conversation in the closed drawer with the condom. But for the sake of your sexual health, read on for Hussey's tips on how to broach the topic and take charge of your sexuality:
Set Your Own Standard
"You have to know what you're all about before you have that conversation with someone else," says Hussey. "Otherwise, you're far too apt to be persuaded in their direction instead of being steadfast in your beliefs." Everyone's standards will be different, but Hussey recommends a golden rule for singles: Condoms until you've defined exclusivity and gotten tested together. "A test result is only as good as the last time you had sex," says Hussey. "Saying, 'Oh, I got tested recently,' tells me nothing."
The main problem with this is that many people—both men and women—may take this rule as a lack of trust. Again, Hussey warns not to mistake that familiarity and comfort you feel in the beginning stages of a relationship with actual medical test results. You may be falling in love with this person, and they may think they're totally clean, but that shouldn't always be the end of the conversation. "Trust in this situation is a complete non sequitur."
Don't Have the Conversation When You Want to Have Sex
You're naked and he asks if you really still need to use a condom. The least sexy thing you can do in this situation is have the safe sex conversation. So we're giving you permission skip it. "The appropriate response here is, 'Look, I feel much more comfortable using one. It's not about you, and I'm not calling you into question," says Hussey. He stresses making this about you—rather than your partner—so you don't make them feel like you don't trust them (because again, that's not the point).
Then say, "We can definitely talk about this later, but right now I really want to have sex with you, so let's just use a condom and talk about it another time." Hot, right? The catch is, you really do need to bring it up later. At this point, have an honest discussion about where you both stand. If you're not sure you're ready to go without, then explain that this is just your standard and what you feel most comfortable with, and that it has nothing to do with them.
If you're open to ditching condoms and neither of you are sleeping with anyone else, have the discussion about going to get tested together. "It can actually be a really unifying experience to go do it as a couple," says Hussey. Your motivation? Awesome condom-free sex!
Make Condoms a Great Part of Your Sex Life…Until They're Not
There's no reason that safe sex needs to be reminiscent of seventh grade health class. Hussey suggests telling the guy you're with that it would really turn you on to put a condom on him, and ask if he could teach you. That's sexy because it lets him be the guide and then let's you take control in the future, says Hussey.
And never be afraid to stock your own nightstand with condoms. Forget the notion that men might find you promiscuous if you have your own rubbers. If you're worried about appearances, maybe you don't carry them around in your clutch, says Hussey, but "if you're a sexually active person, why wouldn't you always have condoms in your bedside table?" he asks.
The fact is, when you're in a new relationship—when everything seems great and sexy and fun—you're actually even more likely to toss safety out the window than you are on a one night stand, says Hussey. So take the temptation out of the equation and just be prepared and steadfast in your beliefs. "It will make you a hell of a lot more attractive," says Hussey. "What's sexier than a woman who has high self-respect?"

Sunday, 15 May 2016

9 Ways to Make Missionary Position SO MUCH HOTTER

Your go-to sex move just got upgraded—big time.
In our roster of 36 sex positions, missionary definitely takes home the title of MVP. But when you do one move in the same way over and over again, you might be tempted to retire it from your playbook. Don't. Instead, turn the heat up on this oldie-but-goodie, and you'll remember why missionary is such an orgasm all-star.
Get high. Use a pillow to elevate your butt for deeper penetration, says sex researcher Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., professor emerita at Rutgers University.
Squeeze tight. Closing your legs together allows the penis to stimulate your clitoris more, say sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First.
Hug it out. Wrap your arms around him and pull his body close to yours to boost the intimacy, says Kerner
Hold on. Grab his hips as he's thrusting so that you control the power and speed—not his pelvis, says Kerner.
Double up. Masturbate (with your hand or a vibrator) while he continues thrusting, says Kerner. The same goes for playing with your nipples and other erogenous zones.
Make eye contact. Holding his gaze and seeing every single one of his emotional reactions to your body is beyond hot—it's practically an inferno.
Try bondage. Take a scarf or tie (or handcuffs for those who are little more experienced with kink) and bind your hands above you as your guy takes the reins.
Kiss more. There’s no other position where your lips are in close enough range to have an entire make-out session during session, says Kerner.
Spank him. Another kinky sex move: spanking. Give his butt a playful slap to let him know how turned on you are.

Friday, 13 May 2016

10 Signs You and Your Partner Are a Great Match

No couple is perfect, but you two are pretty close.
You’re pretty sure you’ve finally found that right person for you. You know, the one who listens intently while you vent about your grueling day at work and is there to hold you tightly on the couch with your Netflix queue already lined up. But how can you tell for sure? Luckily, science has some answers.Read up on these research-backed factors that strongly influence whether or not you and your S.O. are meant to go the distance.
1. You're Both Positive
Sure, this one might not come as a surprise, but studies show that a positive outlook and a few genuinely exchanged smiles a day can go a long way in keeping a relationship stable. Researchers from the University of Chicago found that when just one partner possesses a high level of positivity, there’s less conflict in the relationship. “Positive emotions are fundamental to any relationship because they counteract the negative emotions that shut us down,” says Jane Greer, New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship. “This translates into feeling more secure with your partner and more trusting.” And the benefits of seeing the cup half full don’t stop there. Another study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that couples who celebrated their partners' achievements—say, a job promotion or killing that 7-minute mile—as if they were their own, experienced greater satisfaction than those who reacted negatively or with indifference. In the study, the couples who had broken up rated their partners’ typical responses to good news as “particularly uninspiring.” While this isn’t to say you should break out in the Carlton Dance next time bae offers up some good news, it’s a sure sign that optimism can benefit you both.
"Positive emotions are fundamental to any relationship because they counteract the negative emotions that shut us down."
2. You Keep Texting to a Meaningful Minimum
Between emojis and GIFs, our feelings and emotions are pretty clearly captured sans alphabetical symbols these days. But tread lightly when communicating with your significant other via telecommunication, say researchers from Brigham Young University. After surveying 276 men and women around age 22 and in committed relationships, they found that heavy texting was to blame for both genders feeling dissatisfied with their relationships. “Texting is precarious for a lot of people in relationships because it’s hard to flesh out our genuine expressions,” says Dr. Greer. “When one person is less interactive, the expectation is not matched by the reality for the other, and this can lead to disappointment and a feeling of disconnection.” Similarly, the study found that the men who texted more often reported lower relationship quality than those who didn’t text their partners as frequently, while the women who texted more often reported higher relationship quality. Researchers speculate that as men detach from the relationship, they replace face-to-face convo with increased texting. The ladies, on the other hand, take to their mobile devices to try and make things work. Bottom line? Hold the phone—literally.
3. You Limit Social Media Use
You love checking your Instagram, Facebook and Twitter feeds—and, chances are, it’s probably also how you read your news. But over-scrolling on social media may be one of the most toxic things you can do for your relationship. One study in the Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking found that people who use Facebook more than once a day (ahem, most of us) are more likely to report conflicts in the relationship that inevitably lead to negative outcomes like cheating, breaking up, or getting divorced. “Romantic relationships can be challenging enough to navigate without these added technological complications,” says Joseph Cilona, Psy.D., Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist. “Finding ways to simplify or minimize potential pitfalls, like limiting what each other shares about your relationship on social media, is a great rule of thumb to follow.” But good news for your social media mojo if you and your man or lady have been together for over three years: These results only held for couples in the early years of the relationship, which may mean the threat of Facebook coming between you two reduces the longer you stay together.
"Finding ways to simplify or minimize potential pitfalls, like limiting what each other shares about your relationship on social media, is a great rule of thumb to follow."
4. You Cuddle
Most of us admit to loving the feeling of being physically close to another human—it’s a natural, biological response. But when consistent physical intimacy (not just sexual) is a staple of how you both behave in your relationship, it also signals your levels of happiness together. A study published in The American Journal of Family Therapy surveyed 100 men and 195 women to examine their preferences and attitudes towards romantic physical affection—massaging, caressing, cuddling, holding hands, hugging— and found overwhelmingly that the amount they experienced in their relationship was significantly correlated to their levels of couple satisfaction.”Cuddling and tenderness help maintain the physical connection and intimacy shared between couples—not just when you’re being sexual,” says Dr. Greer. “As a result, it can be easier to get turned on because there’s always an element of sexual energy being shared through physical touches, therefore leading to a happier relationship overall.” So next time you’re in the mood to snuggle, remember science is on your side!
5. You Actually Fight Instead of Holding Back Your Feelings
While you might get down and out about the latest tiff you had with your boo, one study reports that it may be the all-important glue that winds up keeping your relationship together. Researchers from Florida State University found that expressing anger when disagreements arise may actually be necessary in resolving problems in the relationship. In fact, that whole saying “forgive and forget” could surprisingly lead to buried feelings of resentment that fester and almost always come up later in the courtship. “If you learn to argue in a healthy way early on, then you're more comfortable expressing your emotions to your partner and working through your different points of view,” says Dr. Greer. “This creates a good working framework for handling arguments in a positive way instead of them resurfacing constantly, causing more strain in the relationship.” So don’t be afraid to put your feelings out there and fight (respectfully, of course) next time you feel passionately for or against something in your relationship.
"If you learn to argue in a healthy way early on, then you're more comfortable expressing your emotions to your partner and working through your different points of view."
6. You Have Regular Sex
If the honeymoon phase has come and gone and the two of you still maintain a consistently hot-and-heavy romp schedule, you’re on the road to relationship bliss. In fact, a study published in the journal Society for Personality and Social Psychology found that having sex at least once a week brings as much happiness to your relationship as making an extra $50,000. For this study, researchers surveyed more than 30,000 Americans over four decades, and found that having sex just once a week was the frequency most linked to relationship happiness. Surprisingly, couples who had sex more or less frequently were not happier. “Intimacy is just another type of communication, so if that communication falters, so will your sexual connection in response,” says Dr. Tessina. That being said, your sexual chemistry is not a race to the sack. “If you’re mutually enjoying more sex, than it will make you both happier, but remember that it comes down to both people wanting to be intimate that often,” says Dr. Greer.
7. You're Similar
You know the old saying, “opposites attract”? Well, if you happen to have a lot in common with your partner, it may be a better recipe for attraction. In fact, a brand-new study by researchers from Wellesley College and the University of Kansas found that we’re actually hard-wired to desire “like-minded others.” They were able to reach this conclusion by analyzing pairs or people—from romantic couples to friends and even mere acquaintances—interacting in public. The pairs were asked questions about attitude, values, and prejudice, among other things, and it was found that the longer-term relationship pairs had greater similarities than those who had recently become acquainted. “If you’re more alike in terms of your personalities, you’re sharing similar styles of dealing with a variety of things in life—from interacting with friends to experiencing life changes,” says Dr. Greer. “So if you and your partner share similar values and interests, you’ll wind up with more cooperative spirits and having a greater respect for one another.”
"If you’re more alike in terms of your personalities, you’re sharing similar styles of dealing with a variety of things in life—from interacting with friends to experiencing life changes."
8. Your Spending Habits Differ
You’re certainly not alone if you find that the majority of the arguments you have as a couple are sparked by personal (or combined) finances. In fact, a Money Magazine poll found that a whopping 70 percent of couples argue about finances the most—more than household chores, togetherness, sex, snoring, and so on. But if the two of you have stark differences in the way in which you prefer to spend—a.k.a. one of you is a spendthrift and the other is a tightwad (yes, that’s an actual term)—you just might be perfect for each other. The proof is in one study by the Universities of Pennsylvania, Michigan and Northwestern. Researchers surveyed over 1,000 married and unmarried couples, and found that most individuals tend to choose their spending opposite when it comes to selecting a lifelong partner. So if that sounds like you and yours, you just may have the perfect yin-and-yang combo to make things work. “Just remember to prioritize the big-spending opportunities like buying a car, house, etc,” reminds Dr. Greer.
9. You Laugh at the Same Jokes
If you and your sweetie both know how to appreciate a raunchy comedy routine (Eddie Murphy Raw, anyone?), love anything with Will Ferrell, or both equally detest either of those two scenarios, you’re a match made in heaven, says science. A study published in the Western Journal of Communication found that 75 percent of happy couples laugh together at least once a day. Even more interesting, another study reported in the same journal found that 92 percent of married men and women credited humor as a factor that made a significant contribution to their married life. “Laughing at and appreciating the same comedy is the emotional oil to grease the wheels of a relationship to keep it moving forward,” says Dr. Greer. “It gives each of you the resilience you need to laugh off the petty and irrelevant things that naturally build up in life and offers more chances to bond intimately on a regular basis.”
"Laughing at and appreciating the same comedy is the emotional oil to grease the wheels of a relationship to keep it moving forward."
10. You Both Love to Booze It Up or Not At All
We’ve all seen it at one point in our lives—the couple scenario where one person is totally sober and the other is a giant, falling-all-over-the-place mess. There’s a good reason why those unmatched levels of drunkenness or sobriety don’t wind up working out in the end. In a study published in the journal of Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, scientists reviewed data collected from nearly 20,000 married couples, and found that the spouses who consumed relatively the same amount of alcohol were less likely to divorce than pairs where one person drank more heavily or significantly lighter than the other spouse. “I’ve seen many couples split when one of the pair of drinkers got sober,” says Dr. Tessina. “Alcohol alters a heavy drinker’s experiences and perceptions, so couples who drink heavily together naturally have similar ways of living, as do couples who don’t drink much at all.”

Thursday, 12 May 2016

This Hard to Reach Spot Could Give You a Massive Orgasm

Get ready to hit the Big-O like never before.
By now you’re probably familiar with how to give yourself an amazing clitoral O and even work towards that elusive G-spot orgasm. But there’s another mysterious erogenous zone that you probably haven’t tapped into yet: the A-spot.
Right along with the Loch Ness Monster and Miley Cyrus's relationship status, there's speculation as to whether the anterior fornix erogenous zone (the less sexy name for the "A-spot") is a thing. "Since women report sensitivity in this area, some researchers believe it's a pleasure zone," says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D. and author of The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking.
Those experts think that striking A-spot gold can give you the most massive, long-lasting orgasm yet, says Fulbright. And because we truly care about your Os, we set out to get the scoop.
A-Spot Origins
The A-spot is found deep inside the vagina, just a few inches past the G-spot between the cervix and the bladder. Apparently, stroking this area can help women get wetter faster. "It’s made up of a patch of sensitive tissue that lubricates when stimulated," says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., certified sex counselor and founder of Loveology. You can locate it the same way you would with a G-spot. A good rule of thumb is to find the G-spot [with your finger] (beginner directions here) and then go deeper, she says. If you continue to hit that spot just right, you’ll get an intense orgasm that lasts about 20 seconds longer than any other one. Cadell says that hitting the A-spot should feel similar to the G-spot, wihtout the need-to-pee sensation. Interesting.
The Caveat
But not everyone is on board with the A-spot’s existence. "I’ve never seen any proof anatomically of the existence of the spot," says Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale School of Medicine. Though she says that there are some areas of the vagina that are more sensitive than others, she can't define one spot in your hoo-ha as crazy-orgasm central.
Another theory: That stimulation women feel deep inside is actually coming from the cervix (see: the C-spot), not the anterior fornix, says Leah Millheiser, M.D., director of the female sexual medicine program at Stanford University's School of Medicine. The nerves in the pelvic area responsible for orgasms supply the fibers found in the cervix, and when the cervix (or the area around it) is stimulated, those nerves activate sexual arousal, she says.
How to Bring Your A Game
Sure, there are mixed opinions as to whether the spot exists, but if you’re a little curious (and why wouldn’t you be?), there’s no harm in giving it a go. Since it’s deeper than the G-spot, it may take a little effort and exploration, says Cadell. But the payoff is major.
Fulbright suggests inserting your index finger and gently stroking halfway up the front wall in an in-and-out motion. As you become lubricated, the strokes should become longer, with the finger running along the entire length of the vaginal wall, says Fulbright. You can also use a curved wand vibrator to access this area—but take it slow, she says. "Make sure that you're turned on before you start to poke around up there," says Fulbright.
If you’re trying to nail this spot during intercourse, Cadell says you can successfully achieve it with doggy style and missionary sex positions. If you're doing the latter, prop a pillow up under your butt to get his penis angled up towards your cervix, she says.
Proceed with Caution
Like with any new sex trick, achieving this O requires tons of patience and persistence, so take it easy! And since this treasure hunt leads deep inside the vagina, you may find it uncomfortable at first. If that's the case and you still feel like exploring, Cadell recommends giving it a few tries before throwing in the towel. Keep in mind that every woman is different, so it's possible that it might not happen for you. While it's fun to go on a scavenger hunt for mind-blowing Os, don't feel bad if you can't retrieve this one. There are plenty more to be had in your favorite sex position.

Wednesday, 11 May 2016

When Is It Okay to Go Without a Condom?

Safe sex: Does it always mean using a condom?
You should know by now that forgoing condoms during sex puts you at heightened risk of unintended pregnancy and contracting STDs. But according to a new study in the Journal of Adolescent Health, it seems that most American women haven’t gotten the memo—or just aren’t that concerned.
 The research found that women who start using hormonal contraceptives (think: the pill) for birth control typically stop using condoms. Ignoring the fact that non-monogamous skin-to-skin sex is like an open invitation to sexually-transmitted ickiness, it gets worse: The study also found that when women go off the pill, they don't tend to return to regular condom use, leaving them and their ovaries vulnerable to disease, yes, but also unintended pregnancy.
But here’s the thing: for some monogamous couples, going without condoms isn’t always an invitation for trouble. There are times when condoms are necessary, and times when you can skip them (in a responsible way). Women's Health expert Shari Brasner, M.D., OB/GYN, and assistant clinical professor at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, says that deciding whether to forgo condoms depends entirely on the context of your particular situation.
So here are four questions to ask yourself—and your partner—before making that decision.
 Are you both monogamous? Research shows that people with concurrent sexual partners (meaning: people who are sleeping with multiple people during the same time period) are more likely to contract STDs than those who engage in monogamous sex. Don’t skip the condom unless you know for sure that both you and he are seeing each other exclusively.
When was the last time he was tested? Before going condomless, ask him to get tested for STDs – Chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, and Syphilis, and also ask him if any of his previous partners have ever had herpes or HPV. HIV tests are only accurate up to three months after last sexual contact, so depending on the last time he had sex with someone other than you, wait three months before he gets tested. Only then can you be totally sure he’s safe.
Do you have a method of protecting yourself against pregnancy? If you’re not on the pill or employing some other form of birth control that prevents pregnancy, you should not forgo condoms—it’s the only barrier you’ve got between yourself and that positive sign on a home pregnancy test. For more information about birth control options, check out our birth control center.
Is this someone you’re willing to accept the consequences for? “At some point, inevitably, you are going to ask yourself: Do we need to being using both condoms and the pill?” Brasner says. And the answer to that has to hinge from the question of whether or not you’re on board with the baggage that could come from stopping condom use (namely: babies and STDs), she adds. These things don’t just have physical tolls on you; they have emotional—and financial—tolls. So it better be worth it.

13 Times Sex Actually Is the Answer to Your Problem

When you get that feeling, you need sexual healing.
Ever had someone tell you sex doesn’t solve anything? While it might not exactly be a cure-all, anyone who's ever said that has clearly never experienced the effects of a mind-blowing orgasm on a stress headache that’s the size of a filing cabinet. Here are 13 other times when getting it on really is the way to turn your worries off.
1. When You Can’t Fall Asleep
Who needs herbal tea when you have this holistic remedy for insomnia?
2. When You're Trying to Move Past a Fight
He said he was sorry. You forgave him, and you meant it, but a part of you still kind of wants to smack him. Spank him instead, and within minutes, you’ll both be back to your disgustingly cuddly selves.
3. When Work Is Stressing You Out Like Crazy
You wish you could leave work at the office, but you have that big presentation tomorrow and you still need your boss to go over that report. Sounds like you need to schedule a meeting with your man so he can leave you breathless and thinking about anything but Melvin in accounting.
4. When You Didn’t Get a Chance to Exercise That Day
There’s no denying that exercise brings with it a myriad of mood-boosting benefits, but on some days, gym time just isn’t in the cards. Not only does sex require both light cardio and flexibility, it leaves you with a glow that’s at least as noticeable as the one you leave yoga with.
5. When You’re Procrastinating
You said you were going to finally organize that wall in your closet today, and you soon as you take care of this one pressing errand.
6. When One of You Is Leaving Town for a While
You’re going to miss him, he’s going to miss you, and you’re both going to be lonely and in different cities for a stretch. Forget talking about it, and let your bodies give each other the send-off you both deserve.
7. When You’re Bored
Boredom is a gateway emotion that can lead to all kinds of ill-advised decisions, from going on an online shopping spree to cutting your own bangs. Make a little nookie instead, and avoid these unsafe, non-sexual activities.
8. When You Need a Mid-Afternoon Pick-Me-Up
You hit book club brunch in the morning, and you’ve got that bridal shower later, and you’re feeling so sleepy and sluggish that you have no idea how you’ll power through. Instead of chugging one of those drinks that’s full of caffeine and rocket fuel, recharge with some good old-fashioned oxytocin.
9. When You Get a Bad Haircut
You’ve cried. You’ve processed it. You’ve texted your sister. There’s no undoing that abomination that is currently on your head, but sex can help you remember that your hair isn’t the thing he finds hottest about you anyway.
10. When You Can’t Decide on a Movie
You’re feeling romance, he’s in the mood for action. Combine the two genres by skipping the movie altogether and hitting the main attraction in your bedroom.
11. When Dinner Reservations Are Late and You’re Both Hungry
You’ve been waiting to try this new place forever, and you don’t want to ruin your appetite. Still, a 10:30 pm reservation has you both so irritable that you’ll be lucky to make it to valet parking before one of you bites the other's head off. Stave off the hanger by satisfying an appetite that has nothing to do with your stomach.
12. When You Just Impulse Bought Some Lingerie
You had one too many espresso shots in that latte and suddenly found yourself in Vicky’s deciding that you needed a maribou teddy. Slip into it as soon as you get home, and it will become clear that you made the responsible decision.
13. When You’re Staying at a Horrible Hotel
The sheets are stiff, the air is stuffy, and you don’t even want to know what’s going on under the bed. There’s only one way to get your mind off of this horrifying room—and it’s not by calling room service. (Just remember to use that "Do Not Disturb" sign.)

Monday, 9 May 2016

13 Things No One Tells You About Oral Sex

When I think about the first time I had oral sex, I remember it being as disappointing and awkward as it was hilarious — and I don't think my story is a unique one. The truth is, there's just a lot of things no one tells you about oral sex. If you've ever given or received oral sex, then you already know that doing it for the first time comes with more than a few surprises. Some of these surprises are pleasant ones; others, not so much. Regardless, there's just a lot of things about it that you can only learn from experience. Though I think I'm pretty skilled at the act of giving head now, and I genuinely enjoy doing it, it's only because I've had plenty of practice. Whether you love it or hate it, though, I think we can all agree there's a lot of things no one tells you about oral sex. Lots of sex education passes right over it. Romance novels would have us believe that receiving oral sex results in multiple orgasms, typically within five minutes. The majority of heterosexual porn makes giving head to men look straight up painful and degrading. None of these depictions are accurate (and also, no one bothers to tell you that giving head for very long at all will make your jaw sore AF the next day).
So if you've never had oral sex and you want to know what to expect, or you're an oral sexpert who wants to remember what it was like when you started out, then read on. Here's 13 things no one tells you about oral sex.
1. You're Probably Going To Suck At Oral In The Beginning
Yes, the pun was intended in the headline. Hey, you could be the one person in history who's a champ at oral sex from their very first time. Realistically, though, you're probably not going to have any idea about what you're doing in the beginning, even if you've studied a lot. And that's OK. Oral sex isn't as easy as it looks. Whether you're giving oral to a man or a woman, your mouth, throat, and jaw are doing all sorts of things that they've never done before. So don't be upset if you're not a head-giving rock star when you're just starting out.
2. Giving Oral Can Be Super Fun
Maybe someone told you this prior to your first experience with oral, but no one told me — and I wish they would have. Although I've never had oral sex with a woman, I can tell you from experience that giving oral sex to my male partners has generally been super fun, and I never expected that.
Before I ever had oral sex with a man, I viewed it as something women endure during heterosexual sex out of the kindness of their hearts — it's what people and popular culture told me. In actuality, unless my sexual partner gets too aggressive during the act, giving head can be a very serious turn on. I love making my partners feel good, and the feeling of being in charge for a little bit.
3. It's Probably Going To Take A Long Time To Orgasm From It
Of course, this isn't always the case, and everyone's different. But before I started having oral sex, I had no idea how long it can take both men and women to achieve orgasm this way (it takes me at least 30 minutes when I'm receiving, and I have definitely had male partners in the same boat). I'm not saying you shouldn't go for the big finish during oral sex, because it's a pretty awesome experience whether you're giving or receiving. I'm just saying there's a reason oral sex is often just a warm up instead of being the main event.
4. Some People Have A Difficult Time Achieving Orgasm During Oral Sex
Not everyone can (or wants to) climax from oral sex. Some women need internal penetration to orgasm, and both men and women can simply have a really hard time relaxing enough during oral to achieve orgasm. Personally, oral is one of the few ways I actually can have an orgasm during sex; but that doesn't mean it happens for me every time, either. So if you or your partner can't seem to orgasm during oral sex, no matter how long the two of you spend on each other, and no matter how well you communicate what you want during oral, don't stress out about it. You're not bad at sex, or doing something wrong; some people are just built differently.
5. Sometimes Oral Sex Is More Work Than It's Worth
Don't get me wrong — most of the time, I love both giving and receiving oral sex. That said, it is a lot of work. And for me personally, that remains true even when I'm the one on the receiving end. I obviously can't speak for all women, but in my experience, orgasming from oral sex requires a lot of concentration. Some days, oral sex just doesn't sound relaxing, and sex really shouldn't feel like a chore — so if you're not in the mood, you shouldn't feel guilty for skipping.
6. Giving Oral Can Be Empowering
Obviously, this isn't always the case, (see the above comment about partners getting too aggressive) but with few exceptions, giving oral has generally felt super empowering to me. Before I started having oral sex, I always thought of it as a submissive act, because I feel like it's often depicted that way in movies and porn. But giving oral sex can actually make you feel quite in control, because whomever's on the receiving end is actually very vulnerable. Also, if like me, you're usually the submissive partner during sex, giving head allows you to have a turn at the dominant role.
7. Deep Throating Is An Optional Skill
Your wouldn't know it from watching porn, but deep throating isn't required in order to have oral sex with a penis. If you are interested in it, know that it takes practice, and that gag reflexes are hard to tame. The first time I tried it, I wasn't prepared for the whole gag reflex thing, and I hated everything about it. Now that I've had some practice, though, I think it can actually be really fun. It's also totally fine though, if you never find it fun. It's 100 percent optional, and no partner worth having will try to guilt or shame you if you're not interested in doing it.
8. It's OK If You Don't Dig Receiving
I feel like oral sex gets a lot of hype, and for me personally, the hype is totally true. But it's OK if you just aren't into it, because everyone's different.
9. Swallowing Isn't Always Gross (Or Mandatory)
Honestly, I like swallowing, and I know a lot of other girls who do, too. When I started having oral sex, I was all set to find it off-putting; so I was pleasantly surprised to find that swallowing isn't always gross. However, know that swallowing — like so many other parts of oral sex — is completely optional, and only something you should try if you're interested and comfortable with it.
10. Oral Sex Isn't All About The Mouth
Despite what the name implies, good oral sex usually involves a certain amount of eye contact, as well as some manual stimulation. But just like every other aspect of oral sex, this usually depends on your partner's preferences. And if your experiences with oral sex have been anything like mine, this is probably something you had to learn on your own.
11. Giving Oral On Your Knees Can Be The Worst
Giving oral on your knees may look sexy — in movies and in real life — but it rarely feels sexy. I mean, unless you're on some thick carpet, it can be downright uncomfortable (and even then, it can be a lot to deal with that much weight on your knees). This is even truer if your partner is super tall, because then you have to deal with weird neck pain, too. Which brings me too...
12. Both Giving & Receiving Oral Sex Can Make You Feel Sore In Unexpected Places
Depending on what position you give or receive in, this sex act can make your entire body sore the next day — in places you might not be prepared for. At least, that's been my experience. When I give oral for an extended period, my jaw, neck, mouth, and even legs are usually sore the next day. And when I receive it? I might be sore everywhere the next day, because receiving oral makes my muscles tense up all over, and then relax all over in the best way (to me, it's still worth it).
13. There's More Than One Way To Be Good At Oral Sex
I used to be really insecure about giving oral sex, because I was worried that I wouldn't be good at it. Now that I've been doing it for a few years, though, I've realized everyone's oral sex technique is slightly different. There's no one way to be good at oral sex, and if you genuinely care about your partner's pleasure, and you're OK with both taking and giving directions during oral, then everyone involved is probably going to have a good time.

Sunday, 8 May 2016

Office Plants Can Boost Productivity and Morale

Getting your office into a vegetative state, it turns out, can actually be good for business.
A study out of the University of Queensland in Australia has concluded that an office ornamented with plantlife can actually increase employee productivity by 15 percent.“A green office communicates to employees that their employer cares about them and their welfare,” said the study’s co-author, Alex Haslam, a psychology professor. “Office landscaping helps the workplace become a more enjoyable, comfortable and profitable place to be.”The study -- purportedly the first-ever to assess the long-term effects of green surroundings on productivity -- focused on three workspaces in the UK and the Netherlands. Minimalist offices were spruced up with greenery, as perceptions of air quality, concentration and workplace satisfaction were monitored over the course of two months.“The findings suggest that investing in landscaping an office will pay off through an increase in office workers’ quality of life and productivity.”Halsam also noted that the motivating upshot of vegetation would seem to contradict the long-held belief that “lean” -- or minimally-appointed -- office spaces were more conducive to productivity.“Modern offices and desks have been stripped back to create sparse spaces -- our findings question this widespread theory that less is more,” he said. “Sometimes less is just less.”

11 Ways To Stay Sexually Connected When You're In A Longterm Relationship

1. Think About What You Want
First, you should get a little more clarity about what you’re wanting from your sex life. Sometimes when we get anxious about our sex lives, we let the anxiety take control and we don’t take the time to think about what we actually want. What does “disconnected” sex feel like? What does “connected” mean to you? What are the specific qualities that you and your partner possess outside of the bedroom that you want to bring into the bedroom? For example, you might be able to identify that you’d like to be more playful, or more present, or more passionate. If you have any favorite sexual memories together, look to those for inspiration. What, specifically, made the sex so great in those instances?
2. Look At Potential Blockages
You may also find it helpful to think about any particular blockages you might have to intimacy. Are you aware of anything that has made it hard for you to connect with each other? Maybe you and/or your partner grew up being taught that sex was bad or dirty. Maybe one or both of you have experienced sexual abuse. Maybe you have insecurities about your body or your sexual technique.
To be clear, all of us have hang-ups about sex, so don’t feel bad if you start identifying blockages. Having awareness of them is the first step towards letting go of them.
3. Share Your Goals
You want to make sure you and your partner are on the same page about what you want. Has he mentioned feeling disconnected too? I’d suggest saying something like, “I enjoy the sex we have but sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s you and me in the bedroom. Do you ever feel that?” Tell him about your favorite sexual memories, for example, “remember that time we were in Mexico? It felt like we were so goofy and spontaneous. I loved it.”
4. Talk About Sex More
It sounds like there’s some level of discomfort around sex that you and your husband both feel. One of the best ways to get more comfortable with sex in general is to talk about it more frequently. Sex shouldn’t be something you only talk about when things are going poorly. Try to have lots of small conversations about it. Whenever you see an article that intrigues you, send it over to him and ask for his thoughts. Read past sex advice columns to him out-loud and ask what advice he would give. If you see a sexy scene in a TV show or movie, tell your partner what you liked about it.
5. Masturbate
Masturbation offers you a great opportunity to practice being more connected in the moment. You’re literally connected to your body through touch. When you masturbate, try to really pay attention to what it feels like to touch yourself. Notice any thoughts, sensations, or feelings that come up for you. You can also play around with ways of feeling more like yourself when you masturbate. What are your favorite ways to touch yourself? How do you like to set the mood?
6. Set Yourselves Up For Success
It’s hard to feel present with each other if you’re distracted by your cell phones ringing, the pile of papers in the corner of the room, or thoughts of your to-do list. If you want to feel connected to your partner during sex, it helps to set the scene. Clean your bedroom and remove all the clutter. Light some candles and dim the lights. Spend some time unwinding together. Keep in mind that you don’t have to take this step too seriously — sometimes a friendly wrestling match is a great way to get more relaxed!
7. Play Music
You’d be surprised by what a big effect music can have. Most people try to create “sexy” playlists that wind up feeling too over the top. Don’t put on the R&B jams if you’re more of a Motown kinda girl. Play music that actually makes you feel sexy or puts you in the mood. Bonus — music also helps fill in those awkward moments of silence.
8. Keep The Conversation Going In The Bedroom
Hopefully all of the little conversations about sex outside of the bedroom will make it easier to talk while you’re actually having sex. You don’t need to have a full-blown conversation mid-thrust, but it helps to give each other little compliments or pieces of feedback. Even simple things like, “I love you,” “that feels so good,” or “hey there” (said with a sexy smile) can help you feel more connected to each other. This is another thing that doesn’t need to be so serious. Call him by a silly nickname or remind him of an inside joke.
9. Make Eye Contact
One of the fastest, most effective ways of feeling connected in the moment is to make eye contact. So many couples avoid eye contact during sex because it can feel so intimate and vulnerable. But that’s precisely what you need to feel connected. Try catching your partner's eye and giving him a little smile.
10. Expect An Ebb And Flow
Throughout all of this, it’s important to have reasonable expectations. It’s tricky to stay connected the entire time, every time during sex. Your mind naturally wanders. Vulnerable moments inevitably come up. As long as your overall experience is positive, it’s OK to have moments of disconnect.
11. Remember To Laugh
Let’s face it — sometimes sex is just plain awkward! Someone will fart, a position will feel weird, he’ll slip out, or the cat will pounce on you. Don’t freak out if you have an awkward moment. Sometimes the best thing you can do to regain your connection in the moment is to giggle with each other and keep truckin.’

Have fun!