There’s nothing better than that stage of a relationship when you and your long-term partner are so close that you know literally everything about each other and you feel like you can basically read their thoughts. But the first step on your way to that “I Could Literally Ghost-Write Your Autobiography” stage of a relationship is a little thing we like to call the “Ask Your Crush Every Question You Can Think Of” phase. This, for the uninitiated, is that crushy, butterflies-in-the-stomach era of getting to know someone new, when everything about their life seems fascinating and you’re dying to know more. And how do you get to know more about your crush? You ask them questions.
Not only is asking questions a great way to initiate open-ended conversations that are a key part of determining compatibility with a potential new partner, but it’s also an easy little hack to keep a conversation going. In case you haven’t heard, people love talking about themselves, so asking your crush questions is a fun/relatively low-lift way to keep them engaged. Remember, this stage of your (potential) relationship is all about figuring out whether you vibe with a new person, and it should be fun! In other words, you don’t want your crush to feel like they stumbled into a new boyfriend screening interview. The key here is to pick questions that are deep enough that you can get to know the latest object of your affections and establish a connection without coming off like you’re conducting an actual interrogation, explains Carmel Jones, a relationship coach and sex expert at The Big Fling.
That’s why we put together this master list of questions to ask your crush—so you can get to know each other better, determine your compatibility, and have fun doing it. Obviously, only you can decide what makes the most sense to ask and when—context matters, my friends! But as long as you’re having fun (and it seems like the person on the other side of your questions is too), then you’re on the right track.
“I don’t think there’s any real formula for it except to get to know them as a person,” explains Debra Roberts, LCSW, a conversation expert and president of The Relationship Protocol. “I think if you go in with an open mind, and you’re friendly and you keep things simple and you listen, that’s really important.”
Also really important? Remembering that even after you’ve successfully promoted your crush to full-fledged BF/GF status, it’s still helpful to keep asking each other questions. The get-to-know-you era shouldn’t end just because you’ve put a label on it. If you ask us, it should continue all throughout your relationship! People evolve, and so too might the way they feel about certain topics—it’s called growth, folks. So feel free to bookmark this list and whip it out on date night, whether it’s your first date or your tenth anniversary.
Now, without further ado, here’s what to ask your crush.
Get-to-know-you questions to ask your crush
What TV show (or podcast or artist) are you obsessed with right now?
How long have you lived in [insert name of their city]?
What’s your favorite dating app?
What’s your social media platform of choice?
What’s something you’re legitimately bad at?
If you had to live in a different city, which one would you choose?
Are you someone who prefers to have a big friend group or a few close friendships?
Do you remember your dreams?
Do you keep up with celebrity pop-culture news? Sports news?
Are there any podcasts you listen to or magazines you subscribe to?
What are your guilty pleasures?
How do you like to spend your free time after work?
What do you do to relax?
What’s a typical Saturday look like for you?
How would you spend an ideal fake sick day?
Would you ever want to be famous? Why or why not?
Do you have roommates?
What’s the best (or craziest) trip you’ve ever been on?
Who is your celebrity crush?
What would be your idea of a “perfect” day?
Do you believe in astrology?
What’s the most extravagant thing you’ve ever bought for yourself?
What’s your go-to karaoke song?
If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do?
What is one rule you really enjoy breaking?
Your kidnappers would return you for talking about _________ for 2 hours.
What’s the one place you have to travel to before you die?
If you had to eat the same meal every day for the rest of your life, what would you eat?
If your life was a TV show, what would the theme song be?
What’s something you’re really looking forward to?
What is the worst date you’ve ever been on?
Do you have a good group of friends here?
How did you meet your best friend?
What’s your favorite story to tell about your best friend?
Do you like huge parties or would you rather spend time in a small group/alone?
What’s the best gift you’ve ever received and who was it from?
Are you a dog or cat person?
What’s your most embarrassing moment?
Have you ever had a favorite teacher? Who were they and why were they your favorite?
What’s your go-to remedy for a bad day?
When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Did you have any pets growing up?
Do you have a pet now, and if not, would you ever want to get one?
Where’s your favorite place in the world?
Is there anything you want to learn how to do?
What’s your most prized possession?
What’s one thing you haven’t checked off your bucket list yet?
Are you a morning or night person?
How did you decide to pursue [insert what they do for a living here]?
Do you have a favorite book?
Did you grow up playing any sports and do you still play any of them today?
What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten for someone else?
What’s your favorite time of year?
If you could invite three people to dinner, living or dead, who would you invite?
Do you like to cook or are you Team Takeout?
What’s your favorite thing to make/favorite restaurant to order in from?
What’s your favorite memory from high school and/or college?
If you could go back in time, what era would you visit?
Do you prefer sweet or salty foods?
[If you met on a dating app] What has your experience been like using [insert app you met on here] or other dating apps?
Do you still keep in touch with your friends from childhood?
How did your parents meet?
What was your favorite toy as a kid? What about your favorite TV show?
Is there a talent or hobby you wish you had, or one you’d like to learn?
Do you play any instruments? Are there any you’d like to learn to play now?
Do you collect anything? Or did you ever collect anything as a kid?
What does your TikTok FYP look like?
Who’s your favorite person to follow on Instagram?
Do you have any vices?
Do you prefer texting, voice/video calls, or in-person conversations?
Flirty questions to ask your crush
Do you think you’re a good kisser?
What do you think makes someone a good kisser?
Where would you take me on our first date?
How do you know when you have a crush on someone?
What was the first thing you noticed about me when we met?
How long do you think it takes to fall in love with someone?
Do you remember your first kiss?
What was your first impression of me?
What’s something weird that you find attractive?
What’s your love language?
Do you know your attachment style?
Describe your ideal date.
What are your biggest turn-ons?
What about turn-offs?
Do you like to make the first move, or do you prefer it when others make the first move?
I bought tickets for a concert. Do you want to be my date?
What made you want to swipe right on me/approach me/DM me?
What do you look for in a partner?
Is there anything you want to do together?
Do you think you and I are compatible?
What are a few things you think we have in common?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Try your best pickup line on me.
If you had to pick between cuddling or kissing, what would you pick?
Do you prefer being the big spoon or the little spoon?
What would you do if I kissed you right now?
What’s your flirting style?
Did a lot of people have a crush on you in high school?
What do you think is the most attractive thing about you?
Tell me a secret.
Deep questions to ask your crush
How do you feel about [insert your deal breaker here]?
What kind of first impression do you think you have on people?
What’s one thing you wish you were better at?
Do you think it’s possible to ever truly know another person?
What do you think is your biggest flaw?
Do you think it’s better to stay friends with exes, or to cut ties with them?
What’s something you worry about?
What’s something you feel like you should worry more about, but are actually kind of unbothered by?
What’s your least popular opinion?
Where do you hope to be in the next few years?
What are you most thankful for?
What are your thoughts on monogamy?
What is something that people usually misunderstand about you?
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Does your job make you happy or would you ever want to do something else?
Have you ever been to therapy?
Who is your hero?
Which parent are you closest to?
What’s one rule to live by?
What’s your biggest fear?
Who are you closest to in your family?
Who do you turn to when you need honest advice?
Who would you say knows you better than anyone else?
Do you want to be in a relationship right now?
What do you think would be your ideal relationship style?
When was your last relationship?
Why did it end?
Do you think you’re over your ex?
When it comes to priorities like work, life, family, and friends, how does each rank compared to the others?
Do you see yourself being a parent one day?
Do you see yourself living here forever, or would you ever like to live somewhere else?
What do you hope your life looks like when you retire?
Do you keep up with political news?
Where do you stand on [insert important issue here]?
Is [insert important thing to you here] important to you? (Think: What’s super important to you that your partner is also aligned on? Is it family? Religion? Politics? Voting? Social justice?)
Would you date someone who felt differently than you about a particular issue you’re passionate about?
What’s something that really frustrates you?
If you could change one thing about your life, what would you change?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?
What’s something no one knows about you?
Rachel Varina, Jamie Ballard and Kayla Kibbe