Think about what you’re looking for
There may well be differences between what you were looking for some time ago and now that you’re dating in your 50s. Before signing up, have a little think about what you’re looking for – a companion, a low-key relationship, marriage or just enjoying dates with new people? Everything is possible, but knowing your ideal outcome will help you when creating your profile and speaking to new people.
Your dating profile
We don’t need to be the ones to tell you that photos are important when it comes to online dating. Yes, it’s easy to dismiss this fact as something ‘shallow’ but consider if you would strike up a conversation with somebody if you had no idea what they looked like. Probably not, right? Photos help us get a better picture (pun intended) of someone’s personality, hobbies and demeanour. As a handy reference guide, dating photography expert Saskia Nelson has rounded up the three photos everyone should have on their profile.
Beyond the photos, the more information you give about yourself on your profile, the more you’ll have to speak about with others, and the higher the likelihood of a better match with someone who has a good sense of your personality. Keep it positive and inject some humour if it feels natural – if you have to write “lol” or “haha” afterwards, it’s probably a joke best left out…
Sending the first message
So someone’s caught your eye and you’re wondering what to say in the first message. It’s as easy as a two-part formula, according to this digital etiquette guide: first, a positive comment about something on their profile, followed up by a question.
Try to steer clear of references to looks or physical features, as it’s sensitive territory; instead focus on something else in their bio, like a film or hobby. Seasoned online daters will tell you that those simple ‘hi’ messages are far too common, and often go unresponded to. Everyone likes a little effort.
Take your time
You’ve started speaking with a match and it’s going well – excellent news. Chances are, it’s only a matter of time before the subject of meeting in real life arises. There is no set guideline for how long you should wait before meeting someone in person. The joy of dating in your 50s is knowing exactly what you do and don’t want, so go with your gut. If you’re not sure if you’d like to meet up, you could suggest a phone call beforehand to see how the conversation flows and if you get a good feeling about them.
Set the date
Deciding on what to do for the first date depends very much on you and your match, and the type of people you are. Wander a weekend market, giving you plenty to talk about as you go; visit a museum or tourist attraction you’ve never been to before or go with the classic option of coffee or a drink. If you’re short on ideas (we’ve all been there), we’ve rounded up some of our favourite dates around the U.K.
Dress the part
The conundrum of what to wear on a date affects all ages, not just those over 50. There is a lot to think about – what you feel comfortable in, what you’ll be doing during the date itself and what makes you feel good. Luckily, we’ve put together a dos and don’ts guide to help you make the right wardrobe choices for your date, and the Guardian’s all ages fashion guides are a useful reference point if you want to stay on trend.
Have fun
We’re firm believers that the act of dating is something to be enjoyed. If, mentally, you can remove any pressure or major expectation before meeting someone, you can focus on making the most of an opportunity to gain a new friend or learn something you didn’t know – or at the very least, a little bit of news for the next time you see friends.
After the first date
Dating over 50 hopefully means an end to the game-playing of younger generations. If your date went well and you’d like to see them again, there’s nothing wrong with letting them know. A follow-up message the day after to say you had a good time opens up the conversation for planning another date. And if it didn’t go so well…
If things don’t work out
Need to let someone down gently after a date? Ghosting – ignoring somebody’s attempts at contact – may be rife in the world of online dating but we say there’s nothing wrong with good manners: send your match one last polite message to let them know it’s not working for you and you’d like to leave it there.
Be patient
Anyone who has been online dating for a while will likely tell you that it can take some time before you come across someone you’d like to meet in real life; or indeed can take meeting a few people before you find a person you want to see again. Try not to become disheartened and focus on the positives of getting out of your comfort zone and meeting new people. And if it begins to get to you, take a break and come back with renewed energy and plenty of optimism.
Anyone who has been online dating for a while will likely tell you that it can take some time before you come across someone you’d like to meet in real life; or indeed can take meeting a few people before you find a person you want to see again. Try not to become disheartened and focus on the positives of getting out of your comfort zone and meeting new people. And if it begins to get to you, take a break and come back with renewed energy and plenty of optimism.